


Kirkwall Love Story

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [2]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 21:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 45,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4935430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He left her after a night of passion.  Will she forgive him? He's not even sure he deserves it.</p><p>My plan is for this story to carry from Act II of DA2 through Inquisition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Destroying What Was Precious

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the same world as my Warden Arianna stories, but not sure if she will actually appear in the story
> 
> If you want to check me out, I'm on tumblr at: http://wardenari.tumblr.com/

Fenris slammed the door to the abandoned mansion and stormed to the one room he occupied.  Once reaching the bedroom he slammed that door for good measure.  A small vase sat upon a table in the room.  He picked it up and threw it against the far wall watching it smash apart.  Not satisfied he grabbed the table and slammed it repeatedly against the wall until it splintered into tiny pieces.  An empty wine bottle followed the same path as the vase.   He picked up another wine bottle, ready to throw before he noticed it was still nearly half full.  Fenris slammed back the wine in a few gulps and threw this bottle against the wall as well, ignoring the small pile of glass now forming along the floor near the wall.  He took a full wine bottle from the ground and pulled out the cork with his teeth.  Taking another chug he lit the logs in the fireplace and sank defeated into his chair.

Green eyes stared into the fire while he made quick work of the vintage.  He once again threw this bottle, but with less passion as the others.  He leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands pushed into his hair.  He rocked slightly, tugging some at his hair.  Why? Why did he have to go there tonight?  He should have stayed away? 

Tears threatened to form in his eyes.  He grabbed another bottle and began to drink trying to chase away the pain.  He never thought much about the term heartache before, but that was most definitely what he was feeling right now, his heart most assuredly ached.  It pined for her, it desperately wanted to leave his chest and run back to the estate he had fled from.  He desired nothing more at that moment then to be back in her arms, like he was before it had all gone so wrong.

He shouldn’t have gone there.  He should have just stayed here and waited until the morning, than things would have been fine.  But he didn’t, and now it was all destroyed, gone, she was… there was no way she didn’t hate him now.  He knew he hated himself, how could she not do the same?

He took another long swig and leaned back down, one hand still pulling on his hair.  He should be happy, Hadriana was dead, he had ripped her heart out.  The woman who had tormented him for so many years was finally, blessedly gone.  She could never again hurt him, never again whip him, use him, or deny him food.  But he wasn’t happy, he was heartbroken.

In one stupid, ill considered attempt to move forward, to finally have something for himself, Fenris had lost everything he had cultivated and treasured in the last three years.  He took another swig and slammed his hand down on his chair, hearing Hawke cry out his name in the throes of passion.  One brief shining moment he had it all and then it had come crashing all down around him when those Maker forsaken memories flashed in his head and just as quickly disappeared.  Like a coward, he ran, and now it was all over.  He’d ruined everything.  No more flirtatious reading lessons.  No more games of Wicked Grace at the Hanged Man with friends he had made.  No, he’d thrown it all away, he thought as he downed the rest of the bottle, letting this one just fall to the ground.  She had been his best friend, now he was certain not only would she hate him, she was sure to tell him to leave Kirkwall.  She’d have no need for him on missions anymore.  The abomination, he growled.  Oh, he’d probably make his move now that Fenris would be out of the picture.

Why?  Why did he think he could really have what he wanted? Why did he foolishly believe he deserved happiness?  What made him stupid enough to grab for it?  He stood up from the chair on unsteady legs, tears now running freely down his eyes as he stumbled to his table.  Sitting on the bench he began to play with the red ribbon lying there.  Hawke had left it there after their last reading lesson.  She’d taken it out and let her hair fall down around her.  He loved her hair down, had she done that on purpose?

He thumbed the ribbon.  Hawke.  Beautiful, strong, brave Hawke.  _I’m sorry_. He wondered if he’d ever even hear her voice again, or would she just send a messenger to tell him to leave forever?  He knew he’d never feel about another woman as he had about her.  She was branded on his heart.  He picked up the ribbon and wound it around his wrist, tying it at the end.  At least now when he was kicked out of town in the morning, he’d have something of hers with him.   On the table was also a small crest he had painted as the Amell family crest.  It was to be a Name Day gift for her.  A gift he’d never get the chance to give her now.  He attached that to his belt.  He could still taste her kisses on his lips, the wine had not melted that away, could still remember her touch.  He opened another bottle, making his way back to the fire, stumbling as he went, and not making it the entire way.  Landing on his ass on the ground he decided it was close enough to his chair, and downed another half of the bottle before he passed out.

***

_Fenris kicked Hawke’s bedroom door shut with his foot, his hands and lips never leaving hers.  Both were in a flurry to remove clothing from the other.  Fenris only pulled back enough for Hawke to remove his shirt before he growled and pulled her back to him, his lips landing on her neck where he began to bite and kiss, leading her towards the bed.  Hawke moaned under his ministrations, and whispered his name.  Her fingers of one hand running through his hair, holding him close, while her other worked on his laces.  Once loose, his leggings fell and he stepped out of them as he continued their path to the bed._

_Hawke nibbled on his ear, and it shot straight to his groin.  “Marian” he moaned as she did.  Encouraged by his noises, she slid one hand into his smalls and wrapped it around his cock.  She slowly slid it up and down, earning her a hard bite where her neck met her shoulder.  She removed her hand when he playfully tossed her onto the bed before crawling on himself.   He hovered over her, looking over her, naked and pink under him.  Fenris ran his hand through her hair.  “Beautiful,” he whispered before taking possession of her lips again.  His other hand moved down to her stomach and made a path slowly down to her sex.  He found the nub he was looking for and began to rub his thumb on it.  Hawke threw her head back as she began to cry out.  Fenris filled with pride, seeing this strong woman writhe under him, calling out HIS name.  He pumped two fingers in her as he took a breast into his mouth.  He smiled as he heard her call out again, and he added a third.  She came apart quickly after that, her nails digging into his back._

_He watched her with fascination as she squirmed beneath him, her face pure ecstasy.   Her eyes opened, and focused on his as a smile grew upon her face.  He positioned himself near her entrance, leaning down and kissing her as he sheathed himself in her in one push, crying out at how unbelievably good she felt.  “Marian” he whispered again in her ear.  Hawke wrapped her legs around him and began pressing on him with her feet encouraging him to move.  Fenris could not believe how much she felt like home, how perfect it felt, he began to move his hips in and out…._

Fenris opened his eyes, being rudely awoken from his dream of last night by a foot gently pushing at his arm.  As his eyes focused, he saw the dwarf standing over him.

“You still alive, Broody?” Varric asked.

Fenris sat up and immediately regretted the move as his head began to throb.  He held it with his hand and grumbled.  So she had sent him to break the news, he thought.

“Looks like you had a hell of a night in here.  No wonder your head hurts based on the damage, come on, let’s get you up.” Varric reached his hand out to Fenris to help him stand and gently led him to the table.

“What are you doing here, Varric,” Fenris asked, trying to delay the inevitable.

“Hawke asked me to come check on you,” Varric answered as he looked around the room.  “Glad I did based on the look of things here.”

“Let her know I will leave before sundown.” Fenris said barely above a whisper, feeling his heart shatter.

“Oh no you don’t.  I don’t know what happened last night between you two, but I can guess,” he lifted an eyebrow.  “You leaving will only make things worse, in fact she specifically asked that I make sure you hadn’t left.  She seemed very concerned about you this morning.”

Fenris perked slightly at that.  “She did?” he asked almost unbelieving.

Varric nodded.  “Look elf, whatever’s between you and her, that’s between you two.  And I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that Bianca will have something to say to you if you hurt her, but for now, I can tell you’re in rough shape.  Let me help you to your bed, sleep off whatever you drank.  Come see me at the Hanged Man when you’re back up.”

“I doubt anyone will want me there for Wicked Grace,” Fenris shook his head as he reluctantly allowed Varric to lead him across the room to his bed.

“Well bully for them, you’ll be there elf, or I’ll send Blondie over, got it?”

Fenris didn’t reply, having already fallen back asleep.

***

Fenris entered the Hangman.  He didn’t really feel comfortable coming to the game, but he didn’t want to call Varric’s bluff on sending the abomination over to his mansion.  The front room was full, but he still was able to spot her nearly immediately, even with her back to the door.  Isabella sat across from her, and based on the look she was shooting Fenris, he had no doubt what they were talking about – him.

He moved quickly to Varric’s room, not wanting to see the anger in Hawke’s eyes if she turned around, no matter how much he may deserve it.  Sebastian and Cullen were already there sitting at the table, drinks in hand.  Varric waved him in with a grin and Fenris made his way to the seat next to Cullen.  Nora arrived quickly behind him and handed him a drink. 

“Alright gentleman,” Varric said dealing the cards, “Now that Broody’s joined us, let’s begin.  Two silvers to start.”

They all threw in their coins and began.  For the first few hands, Fenris had difficulty paying attention, and lost miserably, his mind with the rogue in the front room.  After the third ale that Cullen had placed in front of him, however, he had trouble concentrating because of the fuzziness of his ale muddled brain.  The men kept the conversation light, cracking jokes – often at the expense of each other.  It was clear to Fenris they were all making an effort to lift his spirits.  While the jokes and the game did not, the fact that they were making an effort, that these men, these friends, cared enough about him to try to pull him out of his own head, to show him he was not alone.  It was this alone that made him decide that he would not flee from Kirkwall.


	2. A Friend in Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm open to suggestions on a better title...

It had been two weeks since the best and worst night of Fenris’ life.  Wicked Grace nights had become just the men, the women clearly staying away because of Fenris, only adding to his feeling of guilt and self loathing.  He hadn’t been asked to assist on any missions.  Hawke had not even talked to him once during that time, and at this point he wasn’t sure if she ever would.  He’d taken to sitting alone in his room drinking his way through the wine cellar until it was time to arrive at the Hanged Man to drink with Varric and the others.  So it was a complete shock to him that day when Hawke came walking into his room carrying a book, paper and pen.

“Hawke?” Fenris raised an eyebrow while watching her.  He leaned up from his seat by the fireplace, feeling grateful he had not yet started drinking that day.

She looked unsure.  “I, uh, I thought maybe you’d want to continue your lessons.  But, if you’d rather, I could ask Varric or Sebastian to come over instead.  I shouldn't have come, should I?  This was a mistake, I’ll go.”

“Yes, I mean no, Yes,” Fenris replied, not sure which of his statements he was answering. 

Hawke looked crestfallen and he realized he answered wrong.  He jumped up to block her escape.

“Hawke,” he spoke, trying to sound calm, “I mean yes, I’d like you to continue my lessons, no, I don’t want Varric or Sebastian to take over.  Please.” He motioned to the table.

She sighed, but appeared to relax as she walked to his table.  He noted that she sat across from him, rather than her usual spot next to him, but she was here, and he was willing to take what he could.  Marian opened up the primer to the alphabet, watching him as he settled.  She noticed the red ribbon around his arm, realizing it was her missing hair ribbon.  It had been wound around his arm like a Knight would wear a favor from a maiden.  She smiled to herself, realizing that perhaps her mother had been right.

***

**Two days earlier**

Leandra walked into the study and watched her daughter.  Marian was curled on the couch, book in hand.  As much as Leandra was happy that her daughter had not been on any dangerous jobs lately, she knew that was what she was really happiest at, not this.  She made her was to the couch, sitting next to her daughter.  The elder Amell rubbed Marian’s leg and gave her a warm smile.

“Marian, what is troubling you, dear?” she asked, with concern in her voice.

“Nothing mother,” she replied but wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Is it Fenris?” she asked, knowing the answer already.

“Why would you ask that?” Marian replied.

“Dear, he used to be here nearly every day, and I’d have to be blind not to see how he looks at you, like you were placed here by Andraste herself.  And suddenly ‘poof’ he’s no where to be seen.  Did you two have a fight?  Did something happen that night he was here?” She probed.

“MOTHER!” Marian answered embarrassed.  “What… how…”

Leandra chuckled and pat her daughter’s hand.  “My dear, I’m old, not stupid.  And, darling daughter, you two were not exactly quiet that night either.”

“Maker!” Marian’s cheeks turned bright red.

“Oh Marian, it’s ok,” Leandra squeezed her hand reassuringly.  “I was young once too, and very much in love with your father.  You may recall, he was an apostate, so I’m not about to judge your choice in a man.  But what happened, why are you here instead of with him?”

Marian changed postions so her head was now lying in her mother’s lap.  When she had been a child, it was how she’d sit when upset, and it proved to be just as soothing now.  Leandra softly ran her hand through Marian’s hair soothing the rogue while waiting for her to speak.

“I… he was a slave once, I told you that, right?”

Leandra nodded and made a noise of agreement.

“Something happened, some memory triggered or something and he panicked and ran off.  Now, well I’m not sure if the night even meant anything to him.  Maybe I was just a thrill.  Maybe I built up something where there was nothing and he just made up some excuse to take off.”

“Is that what you think, love?” Leandra asked, still running soothing hands over Marian’s head and back.

Marian sat up looking at her mother, “Don’t you?”

Leandra brushed the hair from her daughter’s face, running a hand along the cheek soothingly.  “No, my dear, and I don’t think you really do either.  You said your friend…”

“Fenris”

“Fenris, you said he was treated cruelly, tormented, yes?”

Marian nodded.

“Dear, it is quite possible that poor young man of your has never had anyone lay a hand on him that wasn’t to hurt him.  He may have never had someone just touch him in kindness.  Can you imagine what that might be like?” She continued to run her hand over Marian’s arm, soothing her.  “Can you imagine how confusing it might be for him, to go from never knowing kindness to spending the night with you?  He’s probably hurting just as much as you, Marian.  But does he have anyone to talk to, or to offer him comfort in his confusion?  You have me, sweetheart, who does Fenris have to reach out to?”

“I… I don’t think he has anyone, just me.” Marian said quietly, realizing for the first time how sad and alone Fenris had looked at the Hanged Man, even though he had been surrounded by the other men.

“Well then, dear, when you’re ready to not be angry, go see him.  He needs a friend.” Leandra patted Marian’s hand once more before leaving the study.

***

“Fenris?” Hawke called up tentatively from his front hall.  He had welcomed her the other day to a reading lesson, but would he be willing to go on a mission, she wondered.  As hurt as she was for him leaving that night, Marian had found not having him around, not seeing him, had been worse.  She found herself now looking for any excuse to see him.  She had been relieved when he had agreed to continue his lessons, sure that he would tell her to stop hanging around like a love sick teen and leave him be.  She looked behind her to Sebastian and Varric standing behind her trying to not let her nerves show. 

He appeared at the top of the stairs and nodded. “Hawke,” he said.  His voice causing butterflies in her stomach the minute she saw him. 

Upon seeing Sebastian and Varric, he determined it was a mission she had come for and nodded stepping back into his room.  He didn’t care much what the task was, he was just happy to finally be included in a job again.  It had been lonely and dull the last two weeks without seeing his friends daily.  Fenris reappeared a moment later with his blade strapped to his back and descended the stairs to join the team.

“A Qunari delegate has gone missing.  I’m going to need your help to talk to the Arishok,” Hawke explained to Fenris as they made their way to Lowtown.

“My sword is yours, Hawke” Fenris replied, not realizing the hidden meaning until he noticed her blush.

***

Hawke slammed back the shot of whiskey Isabella handed her.  The job had gone sideways, badly.  The delegate was dead,  one of the Templar, Ser Varnell, having done the deed.  It was for this reason Cullen had not joined the rest of group in Varric’s suite for Wicked Grace.  The investigation now taking his focus.  “Bullocks!” she grunted as she hit the table with the cup, and Isabella refilled it.

Varric began dealing out the cards, and for the first time in weeks it appeared Isabella and Hawke were joining them. 

“Deal me in,” Anders nodded to Varric as he entered, taking the empty seat next to Hawke.  Fenris glared into his cards.  He shouldn’t have been surprised that the mage would make a move now.  He looked up and wished he hadn’t, seeing Hawke give the Healer a smile she had once graced him with.  He tried to push down the feeling of jealousy that bubbled in his gut. 

Two ales in he felt a foot run along his leg.  He raised an eyebrow and gave a warning glance to Isabella.  She leaned over, running a finger along his arm.  “Come now, sweet thing,” she purred, “just a taste.  You let Hawke have a go…”

Fenris pushed her away, “Do not make light of that,” he snarled at her.

“Interesting,” Isabella commented, but leaned away just the same.

They continued to play cards for several more hours, Fenris feeling the effects of the ale and wine in his head.  Hawke stood after winning the latest hand.  “I believe this is where I leave you all tonight,” she bowed, with a laugh as she swayed from her drink.

Fenris realized he should rise and offer to walk her home, a chance to be alone with her, but before he could, Anders was by her side.  “Allow me to accompany you, sweetheart,” he said, placing her hand in the crook of his arm.  Fenris snarled into his mug as they left together.

***

As they approached the Amell estate Anders turned to face Hawke.  “If you’d ever wish for my company for more than just making him jealous, I would be honored,” he said, giving Hawke a warm smile while pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  His hand remained on her face,  and he ran his thumb affectionately along her cheek.

Hawke gently leaned against his hand and smiled up at him.  She placed a hand along his jawline.  “I would be a lucky woman, Anders.  But...”

“Not yet, he is still in your heart.  I understand,” he leaned down and kissed her forehead gently.  Anders then took her hand pressing his lips softly to the back of it as he bowed and walked away, on his way back to Darktown.


	3. The Calm before the Storm

Fenris knocked on the door to the Amell estate. He’d watched the blonde mage with Hawke last night, _his_ Hawke. The abomination had dared to kiss her even. He needed to see for himself that Anders was not still there in the house. Bodhan opened the door and Fenris entered. “Lady Hawke is not here, Serrah” the dwarf explained.

Fenris and nodded, turning to leave when he heard Hawke’s mother beckon him. “Fenris, is that you?” she called warmly. Fenris turned back to the front room. Leandra Amell was one of the few people he actually liked. She always treated him like he was welcome in her home. She was always warm and kind to him. She never saw him as just an elf, or a slave, she treated him like he was a man. Fenris couldn’t remember what his mother had been like, but he wondered if she had been like Leandra. She always had a warm hug for Fenris and a never ending supply of cookies it seemed.

The elder Amell walked into the front room and made her way to Fenris with a warm smile. She took his hand and patted it. “It’s so good to see you again, Fenris. You’ve been missed around here. Come,” she took his hand leading him to the dining room. “You are too skinny, Orana and I made cookies, you will have some.”

Fenris chuckled, having learned long ago it did no good to fight Leandra on such a request, for it wasn’t really a request anyway. He allowed himself to be lead to the dining room, where there was in fact cookies. Leandra pushed him to a chair and headed to the kitchen. When she returned, she had milk, as well as a sandwiches. She placed them in front of Fenris and herself and joined him. This was another reason he enjoyed her company. She often invited him to eat meals with them, making him feel like an equal, something he rarely felt.

“Lady Amell, this is kind of you, but I had come to see Hawke.” Fenris started to explain.

Leandra pat his hand, “She is gone, to talk to Ser Cullen, but eat while you wait for her to return. It’s been weeks since you have been here, I’ve missed your company,” she motioned to his plate. Fenris nodded and began to eat, trying hard not to smile when Leandra touched his arm and gave him a motherly smile.

“I do not think I would have been welcome,” he said, looking at his plate, not wanting to share.

“I know all about it my dear boy,” she nodded to him warmly. “And this is my home as well, Fenris. You are always welcome here. And Marian said you two have started working together again, yes?”

Fenris nodded, his mouth full of bread.

Leandra touched his arm again reassuringly, “Then you will see, it will be alright dear boy. Now eat, and then you can indulge me in some reading while we wait for Marian.”

Fenris’ shoulders relaxed and he continued to eat his lunch. Next to losing Hawke’s friendship, his next fear had been that he’d no longer be welcome in the estate. That Leandra would take one look at him and tell him never to return. That the family dinners, and long chats while waiting for Marian for one reason or another would be a thing of the past. But sitting at the table, seeing the warmth and care in Lady Amell’s eyes, Fenris knew he had not lost the substitute mother after all.

***

The young Templar led Hawke into Cullen's office. “The Knight-Captain will be here in a moment, Serrah. He requested you wait here for him.”

Hawke nodded with a smile and moved into the office, closing the door behind her. She realized in all the years she had known Cullen, she had never been in his office. When they had first met, long ago on Sundermount she thought he was a typical Templar thug. She had also thought at one point she would need to step in to protect Anders from him, when he had once suggested that Antiva would be safer for the healer than Kirkwall. Hawke was surprised when instead of reacting to the threat he actually seemed pleased with the information. Since then, Cullen had proven to be an asset, and had become part of the group of friends she had acquired over the years, even joining them most weeks for Wicked Grace. It had become evident that he was starting to question Merideth's leadership, and had reached out to Hawke on more than one occasion for help with problems instead of turning to his fellow Templars.

Hawke looked around Cullen's office as she waited. His desk was exactly as she expected, neat and organized. Nary a scrap of paper out of place. A fire crackled away in the fireplace, looking at it, she noticed papers pinned to the wall near it, full of color. Walking closer to the scraps she realized they were a child's drawings. Some were nothing more than colorful scribbles, but others were drawings of what she thought might be a Druffalo, an elf with “Papa” written on it, dragons. Many had a stick figure with “Unkl Culen” written on them. A smile came to Hawke's lips, _ever a surprise Cullen_ , she thought.

While looking at the drawings she heard the door open. “Admiring my gallery, I see,” Cullen said with a nod as he entered, closing the door behind him.

“It's a whole other side of you I haven't seen before,” Hawke returned the nod as she made her way to the chair across from his desk.

A wistful smile appeared on his lips. “The daughter of a dear friend. Having those there help me when it's a bad day, reminds me there is still goodness in the world. Her mother reminds me a lot of you, actually,” he chuckled.

“She must be exquisite then,” Hawke smiled. “What can I do for you today, Cullen?”

“It's the Qunari,” he said, a serious look upon his face. “I'm worried that it's going to come to a head soon, and it won't be good for Kirkwall when it does. I know you have the respect of the Arishok. I was hopeful you had some insight on how to diffuse this.”

“He said he is here because something was stolen from him. A relic of some kind. Perhaps if we find this, they would leave?” She offered.

“Do you have any idea what that relic is?” Cullen asked, leaning forward on his desk.

Hawke shook her head. “I'll keep my ears open, but I agree, this is going to come to a head sooner rather than later.”

“I'll see if my men can find anything on this _relic_ ,” Cullen suggested. “Thank you Hawke.”

“See you at the Hanged Man later?” She asked, rising.

Cullen held the door for her, “Of course. Nice to have you back at the table taking my money instead of Varric for a change.”

***

Marian entered her home, the fire burning brightly in the front room. Her dog, Lulu, asleep in her normal spot in front of it. She removed her armor and heard voices coming from the library. Moving closer, she realized it was Fenris speaking. He sounded to be reading something, occasionally her mother would pipe in to offer help when he was stuck. Marian smiled to herself, Fenris was coming along in his reading very well. He'd proven to be a quick leaner, soaking up any books they lent him.

Fenris noticed Hawke enter the library and hid the smile that threatened to appear. He felt warm just looking at her. On top of that, the mage wasn't with her. Leandra rose, “I'll leave you two to talk. I have plans for tomorrow to get ready for anyway,” she said and left the room.

“Your reading is getting really good,” Marian grinned at him, taking a seat in a large chair.

“Thank you.” Fenris said, suddenly feeling very nervous now that it was just the two of them. He struggled with what to say. He knew what he _wanted_ to say, but he couldn't bring himself to beg for her forgiveness, he was a coward. “What did Cullen need?”

Marian sighed. “He is worried that the Qunari are growing restless, and I can't say I disagree. We need to find this relic and get them out of here. Cullen's offered help with finding information.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Easter Eggs if you read "Love and Darkspawn"


	4. All That Remains

Hawke sat in Varric's room in the Hanged Man waiting for the others to join them for Wicked Grace. Anders was currently holding her right hand in both of his, inspecting it. She watched as he carefully ran a finger along the side of it, flinching when his finger neared her knuckle. His fingers started glowing blue as he began to heal her.

“You broke one finger, severely bruised the rest of the hand Hawke. You really didn't need to punch him, you know.” he gave her a sideways grin. He returned his focus to her hand. He looked so at peace when healing, and with her line of work, she often had need of healing. He always seemed particularly gentle when it came to her. Hawke wasn't stupid, she knew her best friend was in love with her. He'd made no qualms about his feelings for her. She wished more than anything she could return those feelings. Watching him when he healed, his face so calm yet so focused, when he was like this he truly was handsome. Had Fenris never come to Kirkwall, she probably would have fallen for him. He was kind, and cared more for others than himself. It was the other guy in him, Justice, that she didn't care for. Her and the spirit had butted heads many times over the years.

“He called you an abomination. I wasn't about to let that go.” she explained, watching him work.

The glowing from his hands died down as he ran one hand along hers, checking his work, giving it a small squeeze. “I'm a Warden, Sweetheart.” he winked at her. “I've battled Darkspawn, I can take on a drunk. But the sentiment is appreciated just the same.” he kissed the back of her hand gently before letting go.

“I hear you're starting bar fights without me, kitten,” Isabella teased as she entered, sitting next to Hawke, Cullen and Varric close behind.

“I'll pretend I didn't hear that,” Aveline commented as she and Fenris entered. Once everyone sat, Varric started dealing the cards.

“Any news on this relic?” Hawke asked Cullen. Isabella squirmed beside her, nearly bumping over Hawke's drink.

He shook his head, “No one seems to have a clue. I don't like this, it's quickly reaching a boiling point.”

Hawke sighed, she'd been hoping for better news. She looked up in time to see Fenris look away, or perhaps that was just wishful thinking on her part. “I'm need to take care of trouble at the Bone Pit tomorrow, can you help tomorrow, Fenris?”

He nodded without looking up from his cards. “Of course.”

***

Fenris arrived that morning to the Amell estate. He'd felt a buzzing since she'd asked him to accompany her the night before. He'd lost every hand, not being able to pay attention to his cards, watching Hawke anytime she looked away. Even watching the mage walk her home had not dampened his spirit that she had asked _him_ and him alone for today.

Bodhan answered the door and moved to let Fenris enter. “The lady will be down in a minute, Messere.”

Fenris nodded and entered the main hall. The smell of baking drew him into the kitchen while he waited. “Fenris,” Leandra called out with a large smile. “Come, in.”

Fenris returned the smile and entered, laughing as she shoved a cookie in his mouth before he could object.

“Mother, stop trying to fatten up my friends” Marian laughed as she entered.

“He's too skinny,” Leandra said, pinching Fenris' cheek affectionately.

“He's an elf, mother, he's supposed to be thin.” Hawke rolled her eyes.

Leandra ignored her daughter. “You'll come for dinner this Saturday?” she asked him, to which Fenris nodded. “Good, now you keep my daughter safe, and I'll see you then.” The elder Amell gave him a motherly kiss on his cheek sending them out.

The pair returned later that night, having successfully cleared out dragonlings from the mines. Dusty and tired, they entered the Amell estate with plans to raid the larder. When they entered they could hear Hawke's Uncle Gamlen talking to Sandal.

“What's wrong, Uncle?” Hawke asked.

“Where's your mother? Is she feeling alright?” he asked her concerned.

“I'm sure she's alright. Why are you so upset?” Hawke asked.

“You're mother didn't show up for our weekly visit. Is she ill? She is here, isn't she?”

*** 

Fenris paced the confines of the library in the Amell estate. He couldn't sit. When he had tried his fingers pulled on his hair so tightly he was sure it would come out. So he paced, anger, hurt, unbelievable sadness and grief tugging at him. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest, the irony of that not being lost on him. He was in his pants and a tunic, his armor having long been discarded in an angry outburst, now sitting on the floor. Varric and Isabella watched him, but neither said a thing, both also lost in their grief. Leandra was dead. No, MURDERED, but a blood mage. They had been too late, there was nothing they could do for her by the time they arrived but say goodbye.

No more cookies, no more weekend dinners. No more pinches on his cheek, pats on the head. No more card games around the table while she told stories to them all about how she and Hawke's father met and fell in love. No more stories about Hawke's youth that would inevitably make the rogue blush. No more awe that so small a woman could make a fearsome warrior like Fenris feel like a small child with a look. She was gone, forever. Fenris knew how much he hurt, the pain he was feeling. He couldn't imagine the pain Hawke was in upstairs.

_Take care of my girl_ .

He had to take care of her. That was his last promise to the woman that had welcomed him into her home, even after breaking her daughter’s heart. The woman that made him feel like a person, like he was cared for. He would honor that promise.

_Hawke cradled her mother in her arms. Leandra had little power left. She told Hawke that she'd always been proud of her, that she was brave and that she loved her more than anything. Hawke's body shook with tears as she held her dying mother. Kissing her face a final time. Leandra looked up, and reached for Fenris' hand. He bent down and let her take it. Leandra gave it a squeeze, and then placed his hand on Hawkes._

“ _Take care of my girl. Promise me” she said looking into the elf's eyes._

“ _I swear” he said, as the light left her eyes._

_Hawke screamed to the heavens when her mother passed. Isabella and Fernis stood near, until Cullen and Aveline arrived, having been notified by Varric what had occured. Fenris had to hold Hawke back when she lunged at Aveline. “If you had just listened, if you had investigated she'd still be alive” Hawke had screamed at the Guard Captain._

_Isabella and Fenris soothed Hawke and walked her away, Fenris finally having to carry her when her legs gave out with grief. When they arrived back to the Amell estate, Anders was already there, Varric having retrieved him after Cullen and Aveline. Fenris carried Hawke, who was still hysterical at that point to her room. Anders sent them all out, insisting he needed time to make a potion to help her relax._

And so here they stayed, in the library, waiting. Each feeling just as lost and grief stricken as the other. Each worried for their leader upstairs, hoping the healer could help. Fenris didn't stop his pacing until Anders appeared at the door. The front of his robes were wet, presumably Hawke's tears. He looked just as pained as the rest of them. Leandra had made each one of Hawke's friends just as welcome as anyone in her home. She took the time to get to know each of them, and made them each feel loved and important to her.

“She is... better.” Anders said, struggling for the words. “She will need to rest. We should give her time to sleep, I will come back in the morning and bring more potions for her nerves.”

Quietly the group rose, all making their way out of the library. None wanting to leave, but understanding that Anders had her health in mind. Before Fenris could exit, Anders placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Not you,” he said quietly. “You should stay.” he looked towards the stairs. “She needs you to be there for her.”

Fenris looked at the healer with uncertainty. He knew the mage was in love with _his_ Hawke. That he would send Fenris to her instead of himself was unexpected. Fenris shook his head. “I wouldn't know what to say. I have no experience with this, you would be better.”

“It does not matter. Just be there, you don't have to say anything. Just be there and let her tell you what she needs. Let her scream at you if she needs to, let her cry, whatever she needs. I don't know what happened between you, although I have a good idea. But right now, that doesn't matter, all that matters is she needs to know she's not alone in this world, and I don't think it'd mean as much from any of us as it will from you.”

Fenris nodded. He knew that couldn't have been easy for Anders to say, that it must be costing him dearly to have to admit that he was not who Hawke needed at that time.  He was not so sure he would have done the same if it were reversed. He made his way up the stairs, hearing Anders give some final instructions to Bodhan before he took his leave.

He entered Hawke's room. She was sitting on the bed, her knees pulled up to her face, staring into the fire. She didn't look up as he entered.

“I don't know what to say, but I am here,” Fenris offered.

Hawke looked at him, her eyes puffy and red from crying. When she spoke, her voice sounded weak “Just say something, anything”.

Fenris walked slowly towards her, sitting beside her on the bed. “They say death is only a journey. Does that help?” he winced inwardly. He was so Maker forsaken bad at this, why did the abomination think this was a good idea. Fenris started to wonder if the mage hadn't actually set him up to push Hawke away for good.

“It just raises questions, journey to where?” she replied.

Fenris shook his head. “I don't know. It's just something people say. To be honest, I don't think there is much point in filling these moment with empty talk. I am uncertain of how to help.”

Hawke leaned her head along his shoulder, and he place his arm around her back, pulling her closer. “Just stay here, I don't want to be alone tonight.”

Fenris nodded and leaned his cheek along the top of her head. They sat like that for he was unsure how long. When Anders' potion kicked in and she became sleepy, he helped her into bed, climbing in beside her under the covers, although still clothed. Hawke faced him and clung to his side as if her life depended on it. Fenris wrapped his rogue up in his arms and held her until sleep took them both. His last thought as he fell was that he hoped he was truly providing her some comfort.

 


	5. The Morning After

Marian slowly opened her eyes, sunlight hitting them harshly. It was late morning from what she could tell, She was pretty sure they were closed when she fell asleep, she was going to kill Fenris for opening them. _Wait, what?_ _Fenris? He was here? Why was he there?_ Then slowly the day before came back in flashes. Marian let out a sob as the reality of losing her mother came back to her sleepy mind. She heard a rustle in the room and a moment later Anders was in front of her.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he whispered, pulling her up into his arms as he sat on the bed beside her.

Marian wasn't sure why he was there, and at the moment she didn't care. All she knew was that there was an ache where her heart should be and it refused to go away. She clung to Anders robes as the grief hit her full force again, loud, mournful sobs coming from her. She felt him gently run his hand over her head while he held her tight to him, allowing her to release all the pain she was feeling.

When the sobbing slowed, replaced by a hiccup, she raised her head to look at her friend. “Oh, Anders,” she hiccuped again, trying to smooth his robes. “I think I ruined these robes too, oh I'm so sorry.”, new tears starting to form.

Anders brushed the hair back from her face and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. “I've had worse then some tears and snot on me, they'll clean up. Come,” he said taking her hand and pulling her gently from the bed, “let's get you something to eat. Orana brought up some tea and fruit.” he led her to the chair by the fireplace and motioned for her to sit.

“I'm not sure,” she said looking around, another hiccup, “I don't know...”

“Healer's orders,” he smiled to her, handing her a plate. “It'll keep your strength up, and it'll help if you need another sleep potion tonight, otherwise you'll have an upset stomach from it.”

She nodded, taking the plate and a small sip of the tea he handed her. “Thank you,” she said quietly. Anders sat on the floor beside her and joined her in the meal. Marian felt lost, but grateful she was not alone. She absentmindedly ran her fingers along Anders hair as she ate her food. He smiled to himself, allowing himself to pretend it was an act of affection, and not her just needing to keep herself occupied.

He watched her quietly as she ate, noticing her eyes moving around the room, as if looking for something. He sighed inwardly knowing exactly what, or rather who, she was looking for. He scolded himself for being so selfish as to feel jealousy at a time when his best friend was in so much pain.

“He'll be back soon,” he reassured her.

“Oh, I... um, I wasn't...” she stuttered.

“Yes you were, and it's fine love. He had an errand to run, I promised I would stay until he returned.”

“Anders, I'm sorry,” she looked at him, feeling the sadness creep into her heart again. Even though he was trying to be so sweet to her, she could tell with one look in his eyes she had hurt him.

He took her hand from his head and placed his lips softly to the back of it. “Shh, don't worry about me, you're the focus today.” he leaned his head along her leg, and stared into the fire without saying anything more. Marian resumed her mindless playing with his hair while they sat in companionable silence.

***

By the time Fenris returned, Anders had convinced her to take a bath and move down to the library. He had hoped the change of scenery would help her mood, and it had, some. The two were now sitting on the floor in front of the fire playing cards, Lulu asleep beside her. Hawke slowly opened up about plans for a memorial for her mother. Anders promised to help her however he could, even surprising her when he agreed to go to the Chantry with her to talk with Sebastian. _“I'll even be nice to the Revered Mother”_ he teased, holding his hand up in a vow.

Anders rose when he saw the elf enter. “I'll stop by tomorrow, we can go see Sebastian.” he patted her hand before leaving.

Fenris sat beside her on the floor. In one hand he held something wrapped in paper. The other had a yellow rose, which he handed to Marian.

“I once asked Leandra why she kept fresh yellow roses around the house. She told me that your father had given her yellow roses when they fell in love. She said they reminded her of him. I thought you might need something to remember them today.” he watched her, hoping he had guessed correctly. Terrified that she would throw the rose back in his face and tell him he was cruel for reminding her that her parents were both gone now. He held his breath as she brought the rose to her nose, worried that he had miscalculated when tears brimmed in her eyes.

“Fenris, this is...” she paused, and he felt his heart stop, terrified. “This is perfect, thank you.” Marian leaned over and place a soft kiss to his cheek, afraid anything more would send him running for the door again. When she noticed a blush creep up his face, she knew he wasn't going to sprint away. A small flutter of hope sprung in her gut.

Fenris relaxed, knowing he hadn't screwed up, that he wasn't as bad at this comfort thing as he thought. He spoke again as he began to unwrap the paper in his hand. “Leandra, as you know, took great pleasure in, as she put it, trying to fatten me up.” he looked at her out of the corner of his eye and saw her nod with a small grin. “I find it hard to see a cookie and not be reminded of her. I went to the baker today, I thought maybe we would have these in honor of her.” he handed her a chocolate chip cookie. Hopeful once again that she would not laugh at him.

Marian took the cookie and her smile grew. “Fenris, this... this is even better than the rose. I think she would have loved that we were having a cookie in her memory.”

Fenris leaned back against the couch, facing the fire. Marian scooted over and leaned her head on his shoulder, grateful that he was not wearing his spiky armor. They ate their treats, while watching the fire pop, and shared stories about Leandra. Fenris took pride watching her start to come out of her shell, even laughing at one story about the twins when they were young. He prayed that Leandra would be happy that he was doing a good job of taking care of her girl.

***

Marian awoke the next morning feeling still just as sad, but less broken as the morning before. Fenris had tucked her in, and Anders' potion had ensured she slept peacefully through the night. Fenris had stayed again, but this time in one of the guest rooms. He had told her it was because he needed to be out early in the morning on a fact finding job with Varric, but Marian suspected it was more that he was not comfortable staying in her room. Much as she wanted him to stay, she didn't want to push him either. Their friendship was still on shaky ground, and she was loath to do anything that might push him away.

She could hear voices from downstairs. Dressing quickly she made her way to the banister and watched as Anders was talking to a dwarf in a Grey Warden uniform. At first she was worried, perhaps the Wardens had tracked him down, she would fight if they tried to take him. She relaxed when Bodhan entered, a huge grin on his face, clearly recognizing the dwarf. “Messere Oghren, what a sight for sore eyes you are. What brings you to Kirkwall?”

“Bodhan,” the dwarf, Oghren, nodded, then belched. Maker, was he drunk? “Fancy robes here summoned me.” Marian snickered behind her hand at the name.

“Oghren can get word to Bethany about Lady Amell,” Anders explained. “I know she can't return for the services, but I think Hawke would at least want her to know.”

Marian felt tears forming again, she was touched that Anders had gone to so much trouble to do this, even possibly risking his freedom from the Wardens.

“Aye. I can get word to her.” Oghren nodded. Then looked Anders up and down. “The Commander know you're here?”

Anders nodded, leaning against Hawke's desk. “I'm pretty sure. I was given an obscure message about Antiva being safe.” Marian's eyes widened realizing that was what Cullen had been telling him, it hadn't been a threat.

“Aye. That'd be her. She's there with her elf. Their little one is as cute as a nug, looks the spitting image of the elf, but with all the attitude and spunk of the Commander.” Oghren laughed before belching again. “Good, I wouldn't want to have to lie to her about seeing you. I'll see to this then.”

“Thanks, you won't tell the others, will you?” Anders asked, sounding nervous. Hawke held her breath as she watched.

The dwarf shook his head. “If the Commander knows your here and she hasn't told them then I'm sure she has her reasons. I won't question her, your secret's safe Sparkles.”

Marian snickered again. The naming must be a dwarf thing, she wondered, thinking of Varric. She waited until after the dwarf left before standing up. She hadn't yet moved when she heard Anders call out, “You can come down now, Hawke.”

“How'd you know I was here?” she asked, curious, as she made her way down the steps.

“For a rogue, you are really bad at being stealthy, especially when you're laughing at me.” he gave her a wink and a warm smile, holding a hand out to her as she reached the last few stairs. Marian took it and giggled when he pulled her close and spun her as if in a dance. Coming to a stop, Anders held her close, looking over her face. His eyes seemed so intense, and he brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. She was pretty sure he was contemplating kissing her, and if he did that, it would start a whole host of new problems. Marian leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his back, hoping that by not looking directly at him, it would change his focus. It seemed to work as she felt him exhale as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug, leaning his cheek along the top of her head. “Are you ready to go?”

She nodded, pulling away. She led the way, Lulu following along, as they left for the Chantry.

***

The ceremony had been small, but beautiful. Sebastian led the memorial, reciting Leandra's favorite chants. Everyone of her friends attended, and true to his word, Anders kept his thoughts on the Chantry to himself through it all.

A few days after, Hawke received a letter from Orlais. Opening it, she recognized Bethany's handwriting immediately.

_Dearest sister,_

_Oh how I wish I was there with you right now. I know I was angry when I left, and I said hurtful things to you, but I know now you did what you needed to in order to save my life. I know you well enough to know you are thinking that this is your fault. That somehow if you had been faster, smarter, tougher, that mother would still be alive. Even without knowing all the details, I know this is not true. Anders' letter to me let me know enough to know you were there with her in the end. To know that she did not die alone, that you were there with her, brings me some peace._

_Sister, she is with Carver and Da now. Please do not despair. She loved you, as do I._

_I miss you._

_Your sister,_

_Bethany_

 


	6. Duty and Honor

It had been a month since the memorial. Fenris had moved back into his mansion after it, caring for Hawke, but needing his space. They sat on the couch in the library. Fenris held a book in his hands, reading aloud, his abilities having grown considerably. As he read, Hawke sat next to him, her eyes closed. _Maker,_ she thought, _his voice. He could make the chant sound sexy._ She barely paid attention to the words he was saying, just listening to the sound of his voice, feeling the chills it sent down her body.

“Hawke...”

She sighed, daydreaming of his touch.

“Hawke...”

She opened her eyes, realizing his saying her name was not a dream. She looked at him through half lidded eyes. “Hmmm...”

“I...” he paused, looking at her, as if considering something. “I was unsure of this word.”

“Oh, yes,” she leaned closer to take a look. “phylactery.” She looked up to his face, suddenly realizing just how close they were. She could feel the heat coming off of him. When she looked in his eyes, she could see him take a deep gulp.

“Marian...” he said quietly, not breaking eye contact. His stare was intense, between that and the combination of his voice, she felt a fluttering in her lower stomach. She unconsciously licked her lower lip, feeling like she was melting under his gaze. His eyes dropped to her lips, and he looked like he was going to say something more, when Lulu barked from the other room, and Varric calling out to Hawke broke the spell.

Fenris moved away quickly, as if shocked by electricity. Jumping up, eyes darting around “I...uh, I should leave. I will see you at Wicked Grace later. Hello Varric,” he looked to the door and nodded. “Later, Hawke.” He moved out the door before she had time to react.

As the front door closed, she turned and looked at Varric. “Wonderful timing, dwarf.” she said, disappointed, but with a small smile to let him know she wasn't really mad.

“I've never seen Broody so scared before, apparently whatever you did to him was scarier than that dragon we faced last week.” Varric chuckled as he entered.

“Did you come for anything specific or just trying to make sure I die alone?” she teased him.

“Daisy came looking for some help. I figure we should at least hear her out.” he answered, ignoring her.

***

Marian curled on her couch reading the book she had found the week before at one of the merchants in the Gallows. She and Varric had paid Merril a visit. The stupid blood mage was still on this path of trying to bring the killer mirror back to life. Marian had agreed to help, but only because she wanted to find out from the keeper just how dangerous this was, not that she told Merril that.

She was so engrossed in her book, that she hadn't noticed Anders come in until he was sitting on the couch, pulling her feet into his lap. She looked over with a smile for her best friend, trying to nonchalantly hide the book she was reading. Unfortunately for her, little got by him.

He clicked his tongue with an amused grin. “What is that book you're hiding, Hawke?” He asked, clearly amused.

“Oh, that, nothing. So what's new with you?” she asked trying to change the subject.

“You're not getting out of it that easily,” he teased, clamping down on her feet with one hand as he began to tickle them with his other, letting out a loud laugh when she squealed. “Tell me, is it one of Isabella's dirty books.”

“No, stop,” she said laughing with tears coming down her eyes. “Stop, here” she pulled her feet away as soon as he released them.

“Duty and Honor, the Life of the Hero,” he read the title. “By Sister Morris, oh I can only imagine what's in this.” he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Don't tease,” she pulled the book back, feigning anger, but her smile giving her away.

“Sweetheart, when I start teasing, you'll know,” he waggled his eyebrow at her. “So what point are you at in that, what I am sure is a completely accurate account of Lady Cousland.”

“She just saved Amaranthine from the Darkspawn. It was amazing.” she said in awe.

Anders snorted. “ _She_ saved it. Please, she wasn't even there, I wouldn't let her anywhere near there.”

“What?” Hawke asked sitting up fully, turning to look at Anders. “You were there?”

He nodded, “It wasn't her that saved the city.”

“Who then?”

Anders just gave her a small smile.

“YOU?” she asked in amazement. “But why would the book not say that?”

“Because it's written by a Chantry Sister. Wouldn't exactly go with their lectures on the evils of mages with an Apostate saving the city.” He said, shaking his head.

“Wait, what do you mean you wouldn't _let_ her? Wasn't she the Warden Commander?” Marian asked, disbelieving.

Anders nodded, “She still is. She was kept out of the fighting at that point. Healer's orders. She was three months pregnant then, although no one knew that but me at that point.”

“She was pregnant. Who was the father? Was it the King? I know they were in love during the blight. Or was it Nathaniel, her long lost love, who came back to claim her heart? It wasn't yours, was it? Is it?” her eyes getting wider.

“Maker,” Anders said grabbing the book back,” Did they get anything right in this book?” he shook his head in annoyance. “No, it wasn't me, and she was never in love with King Alistair that I'm aware of. He was, probably still is, her best friend.”

He sighed, “Fine, you really want to know all this?”

Marian nodded excitedly. “She's sort of an idol of mine. You really knew the Hero?”

Anders nodded again, “Yes, she's who conscripted me into the Wardens. She most likely saved my life that night. The Templars were planning to take me in, they thought I had killed two others, but it was the Darkspawn, not that they cared. You'd like her, you remind me a lot of her. She did fall in love during the blight, but not with King Alistair. It was an elf, Zevran.”

“Her assassin?” Marian asked, amazed yet again. “But why would they not say that?”

“Again, Chantry. Can't have the righteous Hero falling for a lowly Elf, can we. They don't view them as equal, possibly even below mages.” he shook his head in annoyance. “Any way the babe was Zevran's, her husband at that point.”

“But what about Howe, I thought he was there trying to win her back?” she was starting to wonder if she should demand her money back for the book.

“Hardly. Those two barely talked the first month he was there. And when they did, Nate usually just snarled at her. I'm pretty sure he was contemplating killing her to be honest. Then something changed, not sure what. He went on leave to see his sister for a few days. When he came back, he looked some weird combination of sick, angry and sad. They went off to talk, and from then on they were friends. I never did know what they talked about or what had happened with his sister, but she must have said something to change his thinking.”

“The lore said she disappeared sometime after the siege at Vigils Keep. Is that true? Did something happen to her?” she was hooked now.

Anders nodded, “She's fine from what I hear. Living in Antiva with Zev and their daughter, although I didn't know that for sure until Oghren told me. I had suspected that's what Cullen was hinting at years back when he recommended I go to Antiva. ”

Marian just stared at him with big eyes. “Maker Anders, you're supposed to be my best friend, and you had all this that I didn't know about you. You're a hero and no one even knows.” she beamed at him, and he blushed slightly at her gaze.

“Do me a favor, throw that book out. Actually burn it. Just ask me if you have questions, ok?”

***

“Hawke, please,” Merril looked at her with tears in her eyes. They were camped half way down Sundermount, having left the Dalish camp. Hawke had agreed with the Keeper about not allowing Merril to have the Arulin'Holm.

“Merril, I'm sorry, but it's just not safe. I'm hoping you can see that...” Hawke tried to explain.

“All I see is that I was wrong to think I could trust you.” the elf interrupted her and then stormed off, taking her bedroll to sleep away from the camp.

“It's ok, Hawke, I'll talk to her.” Isabella placed her hand on Hawke's shoulder reassuringly. Hawke nodded and watched the pirate join the elf far from the fire.

Feeling defeated she sat alone near the fire poking at the dirt with a stick. She was sure her decision was right, but she wished it didn't result in her hurting a friend.

She heard Fenris moving close, and looked to him as he sat next to her. “For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice. She plays as a child with dangerous things she cannot comprehend.”

“Thanks,” she said quietly, still poking at the dirt, unable to look at him.

Fenris shifted so that he was facing her, his legs next to her as he took one of her hands in his. “Hawke.”

She looked at her hand in his. Fenris ran his thumb along her knuckles. “Hawke, do not doubt you are doing what is right. You have a good heart, do not let an immature blood mage's temper make you forget that.” He raised the hand gently to his face, first pressing a small kiss to her fingers, before nuzzling the hand with his cheek. He closed his eyes, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Marian watched him, her breath caught. He was not one to be free with affection, much less touch. Her heart felt like it was pounding in her chest. Fenris placed her hand down, and shifted closer. Placing a hand along her cheek, she leaned into it and he bent closer. She thought he was going to kiss her, and her breath caught again. Disappointment filled her when instead he placed soft lips to her forehead before he rose to move off to his bedroll.

 


	7. Destruction

The Qunari were running rampant in the streets. That boiling point that Hawke and Cullen had been worried about had come. Hawke and Avaline ran through the streets, trying to help the citizens of Kirkwall get to safety. They rounded the corner, and found Anders shooting lightening, two small children hiding behind him, while Varric tried to provide some cover so that they could get them to safety.

“Oh, thank the maker, we thought for sure something might have happened to you both.” he said, clearly relieved at seeing Hawke. Hawke helped guide the children to a nearby sewer they could hide in until it was safe before she rejoined the others.

The four rushed towards the alienage hearing calls for help. They rounded the corner, moving around the people running from the fighting. There in front of Uncle Gamlin's home three Qunari were fighting several Grey Wardens. Hawke squealed, Anders turning his head to look at her with an eyebrow raised. “Now it not the time, sweetheart,” he teased. “Filing away you like Wardens though” he pointed to his head and winked. Hawke playfully shoved him with a grin and then joined in the battle.

Hawke was impressed with the Wardens fighting. As the last Qunari fell, Hawke wiped off her blade and turned. She was shocked to see the Wardens appearing to be heading out of town. “Wait, aren't you going to help?” she asked.

“Grey Wardens do not get involved in outside skirmishes.” the leader said. Hawke looked him over. He was tall, with long black hair pulled back in a tail. He had a bow strapped to his back.

“Skirmish? Do you not see the large raging Qunari running through the town causing fires and attacking people?”, she questioned, a hand on her hip, looking him up and down.

The Warden leader let out a belly laugh. He then looked over to Anders and raised an eyebrow. “Anders,” he stepped forward. Hawke stiffened, preparing to fight for Anders safety if she needed. She removed her hands from her daggers when she saw the man was holding out a hand to shake Anders', and that Anders was grinning.

“Nathaniel.” Anders nodded shaking the man's hand.

“Found another like the Commander I see,” Nathaniel laughed.

“Nathaniel Howe?”, Hawke asked, suddenly in awe yet again.

“Depends on what he told you about me,” Nathaniel answered pointing at Anders with a laugh.

Hawke shook her head to shake herself out of her fog from meeting someone who in her mind was a legend. “While this reunion is great, city, fire, crazy Qunari, ringing a bell at all?”

Anders nodded. “If you're ever back this way around...”

“I'll be sure to look you up.” Nathaniel nodded, signaling the other Wardens to follow.

“What does he mean I'm like the Commander?” she asked looking at Anders.

“Trust me, love, it's a compliment,” he winked, walking towards Varric and Aveline.

***

“The thief will come with us,” the Arishok said. He had taken over the Viscount's Keep, having killed the Viscount.

“What, no, she gave you back the book, take it and leave.” Hawke said, placing herself in front of Isabella.

“Kitten, it's ok,” Isabella said.

“No, they have their relic, they're not getting you too,” Hawke nodded.

“The Qun demands in,” the Arishok growled.

Fenris stood behind Hawke. He needed to figure out a way to diffuse the situation quick, before they started rampaging again. He moved closer to Hawke and talked quietly so only she could hear, “Hawke, we need to diffuse this, before others are killed. There's a few ways that they will consider honorable. First is letting them have Isabella,” Hawke shook her head at that. Fenris stood tall, he would protect her, “One of us can challenge him in her stead. I...”

“I challenge you, Arishok, for Isabella's freedom.” Hawke answered.

“Hawke, no,” Fenris cried out, grabbing her arm and pulling her around.

“She's my friend, Fenris. I won't let them have her.” she turned back to the Arishok, missing the panic in Fenris' eyes.

The Arishok nodded. Fenris tried to stop this, but Isabella pulled him away.

“What did you say to her?” Anders growled at him.

“I didn't... I didn't mean for, I was trying,” Fenris stumbled to try to explain.

“It doesn't matter, you just better hope she wins or you and I are having it out.” Anders snarled at him, turning his attention back to the petite rogue circling the large Qunari.

Fenris held his breath, praying to the Maker to protect her as they battled. Every cut she took, every bone he heard break, he felt as if his own. The Arishok raised his arms, preparing a death blow. Before he could, Hawke lunged with her last bit of strength, plunging her blades into his heart. The Arishok's arms went limp, the weapon dropping harmlessly on the floor. He crashed to the floor, missing Hawke by inches. She passed out as soon as he hit the ground.

The townspeople cheered as the remaining Qunari turned and left without any further comment. Anders sprinted to her side, his hands glowing the second he reached her. Fenris stood in place, frozen in horror and praying the mage could save her. He felt a hand on his arm and looked down to see Varric. “She'll be fine, Broody. She's too tough to die.” Fenris nodded, gulped and looked back to where Anders was working on her.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably just minutes, Hawke coughed, and opened her eyes. The townspeople cheered again. Anders helped her to her feet, supporting her as she still seemed too weak to stand on her own. Meredith declared her the Champion of Kirkwall. During all of this, Fenris kept his eyes on Hawke, as if afraid if he were to look away, she'd be gone.

After most of the citizens filed out, Anders lifted Hawke, carrying her and beginning to walk out, Fenris, Varric and Isabella following behind. Meredith stepped in front of him, Cullen and several other Templars behind her. “Don't think I didn't see that, mage. Rylen, take him in.”

“Don't you dare,” Hawke glared at Meredith. “You just proclaimed me Champion, my people are protected.”

“He's a mage, and Champion or not, that apostate is coming with us.” Meredith growled.

“Knight-Commander,” Cullen interrupted, “not to question you Ser, but the Warden Commander made it clear in her letter that any action against Warden Anders would be considered an act of war against the Wardens.”

“Well, I guess that makes it definite she knows you're here,” Hawke whispered to Anders who gave her a small smile and a nod.

Meredith snarled but stood aside letting them pass. After they made their way past the Knight-Commander, she turned to Cullen. “Knight-Captain, if you want to retain your rank, you will never question my orders in public again.” Meredith turned and made her way back to the Gallows, missing the small grin that came to Cullen's face.

***

Fenris paced, watching Anders work on Hawke, who had passed out again when they'd reached her house. She was currently lying out on her bed. Anders working his hands over her, healing the broken bones and other damage while Isabella handed him Lyrium potions as he needed. Varric rang his hands while he leaned on the wall near the doorway.

_Take care of my girl._

She had nearly died, because of him and his stupid mouth. He hadn't protected her, he'd nearly gotten her killed. _Forgive me, Leandra_ , he thought. He continued pacing until Anders sat down on the bed, his hands stopped glowing. The other three looked at him, all holding their breath.

Anders looked up, under tired eyes. “She'll survive. I've put her under a sleep spell, she'll need to rest another day before I can take her out of it. The damage was extensive. I stopped the internal bleeding and the worst of if at the Keep. Broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, multiple cuts, all healed or healing. She'll be sore a while, but she'll survive and be back to smacking around the bad guys in no time.”

While he spoke, he kept eye contact with Fenris the entire time. Anders' anger at the elf evident. Upon hearing she'd be fine, Fenris nodded and walked out the door. He didn't stop until he was back in his room at his crumbling estate. Once there he resumed his pacing. He'd done it again, he was right back where he was just a few short months ago. His friend hurt because he hadn't thought before acting. This time it was worse than a broken heart, he had nearly gotten her killed. He felt shame knowing he'd let Leandra down. He let out a scream, cursing the Maker, swearing he'd do whatever was necessary to ensure her safety, even from him.

***

Marian sat on the floor of her library, Lulu lying next to her, legs up, loving the belly rubs being adored on her by the rogue. Anders had given her a clean bill of health that morning. After nearly three weeks cooped up in the estate, she was excited to finally be getting back to some adventures. The title of Champion was not one she relished, however. Especially with it meaning she was expected to attend a ball in a week in her honor.

During her three week recuperation her friends had all done their best to keep her spirits up. Anders not only came daily to check on her as a healer, but would entertain her with stories from his days in the Circle and Vigils' Keep – although she doubted the truth of several of them. Isabella would bring dirty books and tell her scandalous stories until they were both blushing and laughing. Varric played cards and kept her up to date on any information his contacts had about the going ons in the city. Cullen just seemed to prefer to talk. She had the feeling he was starting to question his Commander, and feeling conflicted over it, having devoted his life to the Templars since 13. Sebastian would stop over and pray with her to watch over her sister. Even Merril overcame her anger, telling her fantastic stories of the Dalish. Everyone had come to see her, except the one person she really wanted to see. No one was able to tell her why Fenris had stayed away, and she couldn't understand why he would be angry with her.

She stood from the floor, dusting off the dog hair from her dress. She was in a light blue dress, plain but pretty just the same. If he wasn't going to come to her, she was going to seek him out. She was planning to use the ball as an excuse, hoping he would attend as her date.

Marian walked into Fenris' room. He was sitting by the fire, cleaning his blade. He looked up seeing her as she entered, and looked back to his blade, continuing to clean it. She waited a moment to see if he would say anything, but he did not, however he also did not tell her to leave. She took a deep breath, fighting back the tears threatening behind her eyes. Why was he being so cold? What had she missed that had changed everything, she wondered. She thought things were going well, very well actually, and now, now it was worse than it was after he had left that one night.

“Fenris?” she said, her voice shakier than she wanted.

He raised his head, she could have sworn she heard a sigh. Standing he turned towards her. “Do you have a mission?” he asked, his voice sounding strange, almost distant. Why was he acting like this, she wondered. Had something happened while she was resting? Had more memories appeared?

She shook her head. She swallowed, willing her voice to relax. “No,” her voice quiet. “I... I just missed you, you didn't come to see me. I was worried about you. Are you ok?”

“I am fine. I have been busy. It is good you are doing better.” he nodded, still betraying no emotion.

 _For three weeks?_ She wondered to herself. “Oh.” she nodded. “There's going to be a ball next week, I guess in my honor.” she looked at the floor, her foot making circles. “I was hoping maybe, I hate balls, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if maybe you went with me.” She held her breath, trying to read his face, but he showed no emotion.

“I really have no desire for balls, Hawke. The mage would be happy for you to be on his arm, take him.” Fenris turned away from her to look out the window. He couldn't look at her, for fear of breaking down and throwing himself on her mercy. He had to look away, or the look on her face would make him cry. He had to be strong, he told himself, this was for her own protection. Better for her to hate him then to be hurt, or next time killed, because of him.

He could hear her choke back what sounded like a sob, he clenched his fists, trying hard to keep strong.

“Sorry I bothered you Fenris,” she said barely above a whisper and turned to leave.

***

Marian sat on her library couch staring into the fire. She couldn't understand, she'd played the last two months over and over in her head, and was still at a loss for what could have changed things. She heard a noise near the door and turned to see Anders. Realizing she hadn't bothered to wipe the tears running down her face, she quickly moved her hands to shove them away. She saw his face drop, and heard him mutter “Blighted elf!” and then left. Marian's heart clenched. Now not only was Fenris angry with her, but her best friend now walked away. She collapsed back against the couch, tears falling even more.

She nearly jumped in surprise when Anders collapsed on the couch next to her, two bottles of wine in his hands. He handed her one, and said nothing, but held his arm out, making room for her to curl along his side. When she did, he placed an arm around her, rubbing her arm, offering her companionable silence as they drank, and watched the fire together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I don't think Fenris is to blame -- keep in mind this is written from his perspective.


	8. Slip up

Over the next year there was actually three balls to attend in her honor. Hawke chose to take Sebastian to them. Taking Anders would have been fun, as her best friend, and the thought of having him there just to stick it to Meredith did cross her mind too. But in the end, it felt too much like letting Fenris “win” to have Anders there. Sebastian at least had been raised a noble, so he was able to help keep Hawke from embarrassing herself.

She and Fenris had come to a strained understanding. She still had need of a warrior, and so she continued to take him on jobs. He was still friends with the others, so he also continued attending Wicked Grace nights. Only Anders knew that she and Fenris were rarely talking, or that her heart was broken. He did his best to cheer her up with dumb jokes, or distracting her during the card games when her eyes lingered on the elf too long, and start to turn sad. That was what he was currently doing, noticing her staring at him, a frown forming on her face.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Nathaniel was purple?” He whispered in her ear, laughing as she whipped her head to face him so quickly their nosed nearly crashed together.

“I'm pretty sure I would remember that,” she giggled. Hawke leaned her head against Anders shoulder, picking up her drink. “But now you _must_ tell me.” She knew perfectly well he was distracting her, but she loved him for it. And with an opening line like that, she needed to know. They were in between hands, Isabella and Cullen at the bar to get more drinks for all, Sebastian and Varric having a discussion, and Fenris trying to ignore Merril.

“It started off innocently enough. The Commander had sent the two of us and Oghren to a nearby farm, to help pull the farmers druffalo out of a former Darkspawn pit it'd had fallen into.”

“I thought Grey Wardens just fought Darkspawn?” She asked, playing with her mug while she listened.

“Normally yes, but part of taking over Vigils Keep meant the Commander was also Arlessa, so she needed to take care of the people of the land. That meant on occasion we'd be used to help out. Now no more interrupting,” he playfully squeezed the arm around her waist, “anyway, we managed to get a rope around the beast's neck. Oghren and I nudging it gently from behind, while Nathaniel let if forward with the rope. So, we got it nearly back to the pen, when suddenly Oghren lets out this large belch, and the druffalo panics and takes off in a run. Did you know they could run? Turns out they can, at least when a drunk dwarf belches they can. “ Hawke giggled, making Anders smile, loving the sound of her laughter. Varric and Sebastian had stopped their discussion, and were both listening now as well.

“So, the problem was, not just was it running, but Nathaniel still had the rope, so he went dragging behind the druffalo. Oghren and I were trying hard to catch up. The beast, with Howe in tow, took a sharp turn into a vineyard. We decided rather than chase it, the best way to stop it was to cut it off on the other side, so we took off for there. We got to that side, just in time for the druffalo to come charging out, and when he did, he was still at full speed. As they passed, I was able to shoot a bolt at the rope, cutting Nate free. When he came to a stop, Nathaniel stands up, dusts himself off, and turns to face us. And that's when Oghren and I lost it, falling on the ground in laughter. Turns out being dragged through all those grapes had turned his face purple. It took a week for the color to finally fade, no matter how many times he tried to clean.”

“You're making this up!” Hawke laughed, tears falling down her eyes from laughing so hard. Varric and Sebastian were also chuckling.

“I swear. We even started calling him the 'Grape Warden'”, Anders winked at her.

Hawke wiped the tears from her eyes and leaned back into Anders. “Thanks,” she whispered to him.

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said so only she could hear.

***

Fenris watched Anders and Hawke as the mage had shared his story. He'd stopped paying attention to Merril and her discussion about how fascinating the idea of locks on doors were. He felt himself becoming jealous of the ease the two had between them. They didn't appear to be lovers, but just the same, Fenris felt a pang every time the mage touched her. Whether it was how his arm casually hung around her, how he pushed back her hair when it fell in her face, or just the way he seemed to make her laugh easily. Fenris wanted to be the one to do all that, not that bloody mage. It wasn't really Anders himself he had issue with, the mage was fine as far as mages went. It was the demon inside the mage that Fenris worried over. He did not trust at all that Justice would not hurt Hawke, _his_ Hawke. He shook his head, he needed to stop thinking of her as his.

 _I'm keeping her safe by keeping her away. It is better she hate me. I deserve it anyway for that night, for breaking her heart and then nearly getting her killed._ He looked down to the mug Isabella placed before him. He had spent the past year keeping her at arms length. He was still available whenever she needed him on jobs, but he stopped coming for reading lessons (although he continued to read on his own, but now there was no one to help if he didn't understand a word). His nights were fitful, and sleep was little. He had thought being away from her would cause the longing and feelings about Hawke to fade, but just the opposite had happened, the less he saw of her, the more he thought of her. The more he thought of her, the more he missed her – the sound of her voice, the smell of her hair, the way her eyes would crinkle when she laughed. In trying to keep her safe, he'd condemned himself to a lonely prison.

So he sat there, and drank his ale, and lost every round because all he could think about was to not look down the table to where she was sitting.

***

Hawke stood from the table, and with an over exaggerated bow, “All, I think you have taken quite enough of my money tonight. I bid you adieu.”

Fenris was quick this time, beside her before Anders could even stand. “I am taking my leave as well. Together?”

The look of surprise on her face was unmistakable, but she nodded just the same and led the way. As they hit the night air Hawke seemed to sober a little. Without looking at him she spoke “You really don't have to walk with me if you don't want to Fenris, I'll be fine.”

He flinched internally, what did he expect, he realized. “I do not mind, I did offer.”

She nodded and they walked in silence until about half way when she just stopped. He had walked several steps ahead before he realized she was no longer walking beside him. When he turned, he could see her keeping tears from her eyes, and her hands in fists beside her, as if trying to calm herself.

“Hawke?” he asked quietly.

“Why do you hate me Fenris? I've gone over and over in my mind for a year, and I don't know what I did or said, but whatever it was, I'm sorry. Please just, why?”, her voice was slow, and a little shaky.

Fenris moved back to face her in a few quick strides. “Hawke,” he tilted her chin up with his finger to force her to look at him. The look in her eyes, the wetness there just about broke his heart. “I do not _hate_ you. You have done nothing wrong. Please know this.”

She watched him, her eyes searching his face, “Then why do I never see you unless there's a mission? You barely speak to me. You never come to the house anymore, and I'm all alone there, and I miss mother, and Beth, and even Carver, and there's no one to talk to about it. You used to come and sit and drink wine with me until late at night and I had someone to talk to when it got too quiet. Sometimes Anders will be there, but he's busy with the clinic and so I'm just so alone...”

The tears that she had been holding back fell freely now from her face, and Fenris felt for her, his brave, strong Hawke suddenly looked so small and lost standing there on the quiet street, pleading with him to make it better. Before he had time to think about it, he bent his head and pressed his lips softly to hers. He stopped just for a moment, “You are not alone” he reassured her softly and kissed her again.

***

When Fenris returned to his manor, he was elated. Remembering the feel of Hawke's kiss on his lips, how her hand had run through his hair. So soft, and so unlike that night eighteen months prior, but wonderful in it's own way.

He sat in his chair, smiling a goofy grin as he looked into the fire. His eyes focused on a vase near the fireplace. Danarius had a similar one. Danarius. Fenris sunk back further in his chair. _Idiot!_ In his euphoria of kissing Hawke, he had forgotten completely why it was that he was keeping her at bay. What if his former master had spies? What if he had been watching him foolishly kissing her? Danarius would not hesitate to threaten or even harm Hawke if word reached him of that as a way to force Fenris to return. _Stupid stupid idiot._

Fenris leaned forward, his hands in his head. All the joy from just moments ago gone. He'd need to do better, be smarter, at not allowing something like that to happen again. He didn't want Hawke to think he hated her, but she couldn't want anything more from him then friendship. He'd have to be more careful in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming probably today


	9. Finding Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a year after the last chapter.  
> Chapters 43 & 44 of "Love and Darkspawn" intersect with this chapter.  
> I didn't want to rehash everything in those chapters, so there's some snippets here and there, sorry if it's confusing.
> 
> If you read those chapters, you may understand more:  
> <http://archiveofourown.org/works/4269144/chapters/10184831>

Hawke sat at Varric's table unsure where to direct her attention. Across from her sat someone she idolized, the actual Hero of Fereldan was here. She was sitting right across from her, talking with Cullen, who she apparently was very close with, and Anders, who seemed to be hanging on her every word. She was prettier than the book had made her sound, and just so nice and down to earth, that it was easy to forget she was actually a Teyrna. Behind her, on Varric's bed, was the other activity drawing her attention. There Fenris was sitting, playing, actually playing, with the Hero's daughter. She'd never seen him look so relaxed before. He was a natural with the four year old, and the girl seemed instantly smitten with him. Watching him play with her, it was hard not to imagine what he'd be like maybe with a little girl with Marian's red hair and his green eyes.

Nothing had transpired between the two of them since that kiss a year ago, but her dreams of him hadn't lessened any. Seeing him like this, it was a whole new side of him she'd never seen, and it endeared him to her even more.

***

Hawke walked to the main hall from her library having heard the knock at the door. As she entered the room, she heard Bodhan greet Cullen.

“Knight-Captain, very good to see you. And who is this you have brought today?” he inquired, looking at the young girl holding the Templar's hand.

“Bodhan, allow me to introduce Eleanor Arainai.” Cullen answered.

“Arainai? As in Zevran?” Bodhan asked, his eyes widening.

“That's my Papá!” the girl proudly announced. “And my Mamá is Arianna.”

“Oh my,” the dwarf's grin grew. “Well this is a treat. Eleanor it is a pleasure to meet you. I knew your parents long ago, traveled with them during the blight. It is very wonderful to meet you.”

The girl became excited, “Did you fight dragons too?”

Bodhan laughed, “No, no. My son, Sandal, and I stayed in camp where it was safe.”

Hawke nodded to Cullen, “So, apparently everyone I know knows your mother but me. What other secrets do you all have?” she teased.

At that point the girl noticed Lulu, “You have a mabari!” she cried out, running to the dog. “I have one, his name is Fiss. What's yours named?”

“Eleanor,” Hawke knelt down, scratching her dog behind the ears, “this is Lulu, my faithful hound. Lulu, meet Eleanor.” Lulu barked and pushed her head into Eleanor's hand. The girl giggled with delight before sitting down and petting the dog.

“So, what have you two been up to today?” Hawke asked Cullen, but it was Eleanor that answered.

“Uncle Cullen and I went all over. He showed me where he works, and we went shopping, and I saw the elves, and they don't really look like Papá.”

“I actually stopped by to deliver this,” he handed her a letter from Meredith. “But as you can see, I have been busy today,” he grinned to the girl.

Orana entered then with a tray with cookies and milk. “I heard voices, and thought maybe you'd like a snack,” she smiled, winking to the child. Orana had come so far since when Hawke had first hired her, and she enjoyed seeing the girl come into her own.

Eleanor looked at Cullen for permission. “Yes, but only two. I don't want your mother to be mad at me for spoiling your dinner.”

***

Cullen stood at the docks along with Anders watching the King's ships disappear into the horizon, heading for Denerim, carrying with it the Hero, Zevran and their daughter. He cast a glance the mage's way, and knew that look on the healer's face well. Anders had been in such upbeat spirits all week, the look he now wore was of a heartbroken man.

“Come on,” he motioned to Anders. “I'll buy you a drink or two at the Hangman.”

“I'll be fine,” Anders said, sounding anything but, still keeping his eyes to where the ships had disappeared.

 _Bullshit._ Cullen thought. “Well, maybe I need the company, after all, I just said goodbye to one of my closest friends.”

Anders turned and nodded to Cullen, walking with him to the bar.

***

Fenris sat in his manor cleaning his blade. He was feeling agitated. The dreams he'd been having all week were tormenting him. They were always the same, him holding a small baby, sometimes a girl, sometimes a boy, but always half of him and half Hawke. In his dreams he was so happy, so full of love.

When awake he was miserable, cursing his dreams for showing him things that would never be. Cleaning the blade was something he could do without much thought, sort of a meditation for himself.

“It's nice to know that any bandits you kill will now have to worry about infection from a dirty blade,” Hawke teased as she entered, carrying a basket.

“Hawke,” he nodded to her, putting down his blade to stand and take the basket from her.

“Orana asked me to bring this to you. She had made cookies for Eleanor to take on the trip, she thought you might like some too.”

Fenris nodded, lifting the towel to see not only cookies, but apples and some bread. “Please extend my thanks to her.” he placed the basket down, offering Hawke one of the cookies as she sat on the bench.

She shook it off, “Maker, I've had so many already, I may explode.” She looked at the table, seeing the drawing the girl had made for Fenris sitting there. “You made quite the impression on Eleanor.” she smiled.

“She was sweet.” he answered in between his bites of the cookie.

“So were you. It was... different, seeing you play with her.” she gave him a warm smile. “I liked seeing that side of you.”

Fenris put the rest of the cookie down and looked at his hands. The way she was saying that, it was clear Hawke was envisioning something similar to his dreams. He needed to figure out how to put an end to this line of thinking quickly before it spiraled out of control. It would give Danarius too much leverage just being involved with Hawke, adding a child to the picture. Danairus would not give a second thought to cutting down a child, or even making a child his slave. He could not risk that.

“Hawke,” he steeled his voice. He didn't want to sound like he was angry, but he needed her to believe him all the same. “I am not, I cannot be who you wish me to be. This is a dead end that will not yield what you want. You need to stop, Cullen is good with the child, Anders perhaps even, or someone else. I don't wish to see you hurt, but you need to stop this idea that you should love me.”

He couldn't even look her in the face, he knew if she did she would see through his lie immediately.

She stood up, but did not leave. When she spoke, he could tell that she was holding back tears, but also anger. “Fenris,” definitely anger. “If you don't wish to love me that is your choice, you are free now, and you can choose that. Although I think you're lying when you say that,” she looked to the ribbon still tied around his arm this many years later. “But you have no right ever to tell me who I can love, or how I can feel about you. That is my choice and only mine.”

She said nothing more, turning and walking out the door, carrying Fenris' heart with her.

***

The lanterns outside his clinic were out, but she knew he was inside, she could hear some shuffling around. Marian was currently picking the lock, having given up after the second time that he wasn't going to answer her knocking. She didn't care, after her fight with Fenris she needed a friend. Plus she missed Anders. She hadn't seen him in the week since the Hero left except for that afternoon, when he seemed to be fairly drunk in a corner of the Hangman with Cullen. The two looked deep in conversation then, so she didn't want to disturb them.

She grinned as she heard the final tumbler click, standing up and opening the door, closing it back behind her. She saw him standing near his potions table, looking at a sheet of paper, his back to her.

“Hello, Marian.” he said without turning around.

“How did...”

“Everyone else would leave after seeing the lamps out and the doors locked,” he turned slightly giving her a smile that looked more sad than anything.

“I'll be right back” he said, putting down the paper and moving back into his room.

She walked over to his table looking around. There was a bag there, and when she peered inside she noticed coins and a few gems. She looked down to the note he'd been reading. There was nothing special about it except that it explained the bag was from the Hero, for him to use on the clinic and hopefully to feed himself. She smiled, it was nice having someone else worry about him besides just her. Her mind wandered over the last few days, Anders had been so happy, giddy almost, while the Hero was here. He seemed relaxed.

She turned around, sitting on the edge of the table when she heard him return. When she looked at him, she had to keep herself from gasping. His face was gaunt, it was clear he probably hadn't left the clinic in the last week, and now she was wondering if he had even eaten. But looking at his eyes, they were puffy, and it was clear that at some point he'd been crying. Suddenly she started putting two and two together in her head. _How did I miss this!_ She thought.

She took his hand gently in hers, he squeezed it affectionately. “You're in love with her, aren't you?”

He looked down, his voice sounding weaker than she could remember hearing it before. “That would not be appropriate. She is my Commander and a married woman.”

Marian knew then she was right, because she hadn't even said _who_ she was talking about. “That wasn't an answer.” She ran her thumb along the back of his fingers.

He nodded, finally looking up at her. “It's not something new, just... seeing her made it all real again. She is happy, her husband is a good man who treats her like a queen, I should be happy for her.” he let out a sound that sounded like a combination of a sigh and a sob.

Marian knew that heartache all too well. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. Anders responded immediately, his free hand moving around her head to keep her there while his lips pressed more firmly into hers. Marian realized his stories about his misspent youth must be true, based on how good he kissed. After several minutes he pulled away.

“Maker, Marian, I'm sorry.” he looked like he was going to cry again, his hand still on her cheek.

“No Anders, I kissed you. Like this,” she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his again.

“Marian?” he asked pulling back. “You can't keep tempting me like this. I know it's not me, it's that elf you want, and you... well you know about me. But I'm still a man, if you keep this up, I don't know how long I can resist.”

“So then don't resist. I don't know about you, but I want to just not feel like my heart's been ripped out and stomped on. I want to just feel something... nice.” she dropped his hand, so that she now had both of hers on his face, holding his gaze.

“Trust me, love, it will be more than _nice_.” he leaned forward, this time pressing his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. Marian held him close, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, behind his neck.

Anders stood next to the table, between her legs, and picked her up, carrying her back towards his room, never stopping the kiss the entire way.

***

Anders looked up at the ceiling, Marian tight in his one arm, the other folded behind his head. She was on her side, running her hand along his bare chest. Their naked legs twined together. She had just told him about her fight with Fenris earlier that day.

Anders turned his head and kissed her forehead. “I told you before, the elf is a blighted fool. He doesn't know the opportunity he's throwing away. If I ever had a chance with... her... well I sure as hell would take it. Better to take the chance and lose out than to not even try and miss the opportunity. He doesn't deserve you, sweetheart.”

Marian snuggled into his side more. “Thanks. And I'm sorry her husband isn't some jerk so we could just get him out of the picture.”

Anders shrugged. “I've been dealing with this ever since I first laid eyes on her. Like I said before, I can usually just ignore it, sort of.”

Marian leaned up on an elbow, looking down at him. She looked nervous, and shy. Something he considered amusing given what they had just done. “Why don't you come to my place tonight?” she avoided his eyes for a minute. “I know we're not in love, but, well, it'd be nice not to be alone, wouldn't you agree?” then she looked up at him, “And I'd rather not be alone with my best friend than anyone else.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, searching her eyes. “Others might get the wrong idea if I'm there.”

She shrugged, “I don't really care anymore. To the Maker with what others think, I just want to be happy for a little while, what about you?”

Anders smiled, a real smile this time, and gave her a slow kiss. “If we can't have love, then I am all for being happy, on one condition.”

“What?” she asked, feeling less nervous now.

“Don't let me stop you from what you want. If you need me to step aside in the future, just tell me. Don't give up something more, even with him, just because you think you are hurting me. You deserve something real, I want that for you.”

She nodded, settling back into his arms again, enjoying the feeling of being held, and the warmth of a man's body beside her.

In his head, Justice grumbled about the arrangement, but Anders pushed him aside.


	10. Legacy

Fenris tried to focus on the papers before him as much as he could, and not think about the fact that the mage was now living with his Hawke. Could she not see how much danger she was in? One slip of him losing control of Justice and she could be killed. Fenris mentally kicked himself, in his attempt to keep her safe by pushing her away, he may have put her life in the very danger he had been trying to prevent.

He wasn't surprised she had found someone else, she was a magnificent woman, why wouldn't she be noticed by someone else. But why Anders? Of everyone in Kirkwall, why did it have to be the mage? It ate at him. Permeated his every thought. Except now instead of thoughts of her being in his arms, they were the idea of her being in the mage's. Of the mage in her bed, of them having the life the Fenris wanted with her.

“You're looking particularly broody today, Broody.” Varric nodded as he entered. “You said you needed my help.”

Fenris handed the paper to Varric. “Hadriana said I had a sister. I thought at first it was a lie. Isabella did some digging for me. This is what she could find. Could you help me locate her? Maybe get a communication to her?”

Varric looked over the notes. “There's not much to go on here, but I'll give it my best.”

***

Marian sat along the couch, her feet resting on Anders' lap as he read to her from “Tales of Ferelden”. Having Anders move in had been better than she thought. Sure, there was the mind blowing sex, but most days it was just this, hanging out, having someone to talk to. It had been so quiet in the house since her mother died, and she hadn't realized just how quiet until there was someone else there to talk to. The estate had been built for a large family, so giving Anders his own room had been no problem. Having her best friend there made it all the better, their laughter often filling the halls, without any of the confusing feelings that came along with a relationship.

Anders, for his part, found that he was also thriving having a roomate. He had lived alone since leaving the Grey Wardens, and hadn't realized how much he missed having someone to talk to at the end of a long day, how nice it was to sleep in a real bed, until he had those both. He had worried at first when he agreed, that it would change their relationship, that Hawke might look for more than he could give emotionally, or, worse, that it would damage their friendship. Instead, they both were growing stronger as individuals having someone to lean on.

***

Hawke awoke with a start feeling a hand on her mouth as someone (or someones) were dragging her from her bed. She struggled to get free, her mind quickly waking and realizing this was not a dream. She tried to call out for help, but the hand covering her mouth made it impossible. She wondered where Lulu was before remembering that her once faithful mabari had taken to sleeping in Anders room.

They got her as far as the front hall, fear starting to grip her that she would be taken before a flash of lightening let her know her roommate had arrived.

“Hawke,” he yelled out as she was unceremoniously dropped by her would be kidnappers. She saw the dwarfs running for the door, as she felt Anders reach her and help her stand. She turned her head to see that he was unharmed. He had clearly dashed from his bed hearing the noise, his hair was down and sleep ruffled. He was dressed in just his sleep pants, both his shirt and feet bare. Under normal circumstances she probably would have had time to appreciate the view, because of his time battling beside her, and the heavy staff he carried, he was muscular, instead of soft, like most mages.

Their attention both were drawn back to the front door as it burst open just as the dwarves reached it. The dwarves were thrown back by a fireball, killed before they hit the ground. Anders grabbed Hawke and pulled her behind him, his hands glowing prepared to protect them both from whoever was on the other side. She was unable to see around him, but heard him let out a sigh that sounded like relief and his glowing stopped.

“Maker, are you a sight for sore eyes!” he sighed.

Marian walked around him and squealed. “Bethany!” She threw herself at the Grey Warden who returned her hug.

Bethany stepped back just a fraction, taking a look at Marian. “You are unharmed, sister?”, and it was as if then she finally noticed Anders. She looked at him, and then back at her sister and raised an eyebrow but said nothing, as she smirked at the rogue.

***

“I've brought our freedom, Leandra. We can go home now, us and the baby. We'll be together. I hope it takes after you, love. I would wish this magic on no one. May they never learn what I've done here.”

Marian sunk along the wall, collapsing to the ground. That had been her father's voice.

“That was your father?” Fenris asked softly, touching her arm.

Marian looked up and nodded. “I... I didn't think I'd hear him ever again.”

Fenris nodded, “Are you ok?”

“I will be,” she reached up and squeeze his hand still on her arm. He helped her up as they continued their journey into the deep roads.

Marian worried as she looked to Anders. He did not seem to be doing so well. He shook his head as he noticed her looking at him. “When I left the Wardens, I swore I'd never spend another minute in the Deep Roads. This is now the second time.”

Fenris scoffed at him. “'Left' sounds like it was a mutual arrangement.”

Anders snapped, “Fine. I ran away. What's it to you?”

Fenris snapped back, “Ran away from the Circle, ran away from the Wardens... it sounds like a habit.”

“Stop, this is not helping.” Marian glared at Fenris, who deflated and fell back to walk near Varric.

“Your jealousy is showing, Broody.” Varric commented, not looking at the elf.

Fenris said nothing, but took several deep breaths to calm himself.

They walked another hour without incident, until Anders stopped, leaning one hand against the wall as he held his head. “I'm not listening... I'm not listening.”

“The abomination's hearing voices. How unexpected.”, Fenris stated.

“Stop! Just make him stop talking! Make him stop!” Anders hit his head with his hands, as if trying to beat something out.

“Hang in there, Blondie! We're going to get you out of this!”, Varric tried to calm him.

In a flash of light, Justice took over, two shades joining him.

Fenris, Varric and Hawke battled, making quick work of the shades. During the battle Fenris kept pushing Justice back, who seemed to be focused on trying to get at Marian. Fenris kept Justice's attention as Hawke got behind him, bashing Justice in the back of the head with the hilt of her dagger, effectively knocking him out.

With Justice out, the other three sat down, exhausted from the fight. Fenris insisted on looking over Marian for injury, not sitting down until he was satisfied she was unharmed.

When Anders began to stir, they waited with baited breath until they could see he wasn't glowing. Upon seeing that, Marian ran to her friend. He was holding his head in his hands. Marian placed her hands over his, forehead to forehead. Anders calmed his breath, and looked into her eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I'm not losing you to this. I refuse.” she said quietly in response. “Are you ready to move on?”

He nodded, allowing Marian to help him up. Fenris glared at the mage, but bit his tongue.

***

They set up camp outside of the exit. Marian sat near a rock, looking to the setting sun. So much had happened in the last two weeks, so much to process. Her father had performed blood magic, an ancient magister, crazed Wardens, and then there was Anders. He was going to die. Maybe not tomorrow, but, knowing that the taint was going to kill him, that just like her family, she was destined to lose her best friend too shook her world.

The others sat by the fire, each processing the events on their own. Fenris began to walk towards where Hawke sat, but before he could get two steps in that direction, Anders blocked him. “Leave her be.”

“I wasn't going to hurt her, mage.” Fenris snarled.

“But you are. You're either going to go over there and tell her how her father was wrong as a blood mage, or you're going to take her hand, and make her believe you care again. Either way she is hurt and once again I'm left to pick up the pieces of the mess you've made.” Anders stood firm as Fenris tried to move around him.

“You claim to care, but you live with her while being in love with another.” Fenris snarled. Anders raised an eyebrow. “Yes, abomination. I know about the Hero, it was written all over your face.”

“So does Hawke.” Anders answered, unfazed. “She is my friend, I wouldn't lie to her. Leave her alone. Figure out once and for all, elf, what you want. Either admit you love her and stop pushing her away or leave her alone and stop giving her false hope. I will not let you play these games with her anymore.” Anders' hand glowed, letting Fenris know he was serious. He walked a few steps back before joining Hawke on the rock, ensuring that Fenris would not be able to disturb her that evening.

Fenris sat back down and watched the two talking, but unable to make out what they were saying. Why would Hawke allow the mage to stay with her if she truly knew that he loved someone else? Anders had to be lying. He knew he had told her to move on, but he wanted her to move on to someone that would love her and care for her like he wished to. He had not wanted her to settle. He'd made a mess of everything, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. More surprising was that the abomination hadn't laid claim to her and told Fenris to stay away.

 


	11. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains some game dialog. I changed who said some comments (because I liked it better with other characters chiming in) and modified others.
> 
> Sorry to leave you hanging at the end of this chapter <3
> 
> I LOVE getting comments and kudos, and when I get none I worry that you're not liking the tale, so if you do like it, please let me know. If you don't just stay quiet, I've enough insecurity as it is :P

Anders words had stuck in Fenris' head over the following weeks. As much as it pained him to admit it, the mage had been right. Fenris needed to either commit fully to Hawke or let her go completely. Doing anything else only hurt her further. The only thing that kept him from banging on her front door and declaring his love of her was the fear that Danarius was still out there somewhere, and that he could use Hawke to control Fenris, to force him back to slavery.

He looked over the information Varric had given him. Not only had he managed to locate Fenris' sister, but he was able to arrange transport to Kirkwall for her. She'd be here in two weeks. Fenris felt nervous. What if she was angry at him? What if this was a trap? What if she wanted Fenris to leave Kirkwall with her? His mind raced at all the possibilities. He had time before she arrived to decide how to act.

As if called forward by his thoughts Hawke appeared in the doorway to his room. He nodded to her to acknowledge her presence.

“I was hoping you could help with something, sort of personal.” She sounded unsure.

“Of course,” he turned and grabbed his sword, attaching it to this back, already in his armor.

“It's for my uncle. Seems he's in trouble, and he's the only family I have left. I'm headed to the docks with Isabella and Varric.” She explained as they exited.

“Why is your mage not helping?” He flinched as he realized that sounded harsher than he had intended. He hoped she didn't notice.

Hawke stopped walking and spun around facing him. The look on her face said she definitely noticed. “First, he's busy at the clinic with an outbreak of whooping cough. Second, he's not _my_ mage, he's my best friend, nothing more. Third, if I'm not supposed to have feelings for you anymore than you aren't allowed to be jealous of who I spend my time with.”

Fenris nodded unable to look her in the eye. “You are right, my apologies, Hawke.”

He was surprised when she took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze, all the anger gone from her voice when she spoke. “We're ok, Fenris. Let's go meet the others.” When she let it go, his hand felt cold, already missing the warmth of her touch.

***

The docks turned out to mean a Fish Guttery. Fenris felt like gagging the whole time, he _hated_ the smell of fish. The fight that ensued with the mercenaries did little to distract him from that Maker forsaken smell. Fenris was sure he'd need several baths that night to remove it from him.

Hawke searched the bodies, handing purses to Varric to divvy up among the four of them. She rose, a note in hand and read it outloud.

“Bring Gamlen to the caverns where we first met. If he's not alive, you won't get a single copper.”

“Well, that's not really helpful is it?” Isabella stated.

“Let's look around, see if we can find a clue to where this cavern is.” Hawke suggested.

They searched the building looking for anything that may indicate who or where they were meeting. Fenris dug through a pile of papers he found, calling Hawke over when he found a map.

“This is it! The Sink,” she hugged him in her excitement. Fenris couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. Isabella and Varric caught it before he could cover it with a scowl.

Hawke let go of him and gathered up the papers, rushing out the door. Isabella followed her, Varric walking beside Fenris. “You are so done for, Broody,” he chuckled.

***

“Ugh, why is it always spiders?” Hawke griped, wiping the blood from her blades. “Why can't we just once come across a cave full of bunnies?”

Fenris snorted in response. “If we ever did, they would probably be attack bunnies.”

Hawke laughed. Fenris felt some pride at being able to make her laugh. They rounded the corner to find a woman standing there, obviously waiting for someone.

“So, Gamlen couldn't even be bothered to come himself?” the woman complained. “I should have expected he'd send you, cousin.”

“I didn't know you had such a pretty little cousin, Hawke,” Isabella flirted.

“I have a cousin?” Hawke was confused. Now that the girl said they were related, Hawke could see the resemblance to Bethany.

“Of course he didn't tell you of me... why would he?” the woman sounded sad at the revelation.

Before Hawke could get more information, a mercenary interrupted. Seems he was angry that they had killed his brother.

“Well maybe if he had learned to play nice instead of blindly attacking or interrupting people in the middle of a conversation, he'd still be alive.” Hawke readied her blades, hearing Varric click the bolt into Bianca.

“You'll pay for that insult, cur”, the mercenary snarled.

“Name's Hawke, “ she snarled back, as they began to circle.

Before they completed a second circle there was a blue glow and the mercenary fell to the ground dead, revealing Fenris behind him.

Hawke re-sheathed her blades. “Aww... you ruined my fun”

“You shouldn't play with your food,” he grinned back at her relishing in their bantar.

“So, cousin, do you have a name?” Marian asked, delighted to for once be _gaining_ family instead of losing it.

“Charade.” shaking the hand Marian held out.

“Varric, Fenris, Isabella,” Hawke pointed to each of them. Then with a cheerful voice, beaming she turned to her friends. “This is my cousin, Charade.”

On the way out of the cavern, Charade explained how she came to be, including how her mother left Gamlen before she was born. “He may not know about you, you know.” Hawke said.

Charade looked off, “That hadn't occurred to me. I just thought he didn't care.”

Hawke took her cousin's arm, “I think you'll find he will very much care. We thought we were each other's only family left. Finding more is a treasure for sure.”

***

“Are you certain it's her?” Fenris asked Aveline, disbelieving of the news, afraid to get his hopes up.

“An elf matching your description, on the ship you named. And alone, as far as I could tell,” the Guard Captain answered.

“I need to know if it's a trap,” he paced.

“I did as you asked Fenris, now it's up to you.” Aveline rose, turning to Marian as she entered. “You talk to him Hawke. I've had my fill for today.”

Fenris cursed in Tevene as he began to pace again. Marian moved into his path, and gently touched his arm. “What's wrong? How can I help?”

Fenris stopped, looking at the rogue before him. After everything between them, all the heartache he had caused her, she still cared. Her first concern was how she could help him. The anger in him softened as he looked at her, seeing only concern and compassion in her eyes. He sighed, feeling his muscles relax, as he explained to her how Varric had found his sister, and that now she was here, waiting for him at the Hanged Man.

“And you're worried it's a trap? That Danarius might be waiting?” She guessed. Fenris nodded. “Well he's welcome to try, but I'd die before I let him take you.”

Fenris looked at her. That declaration made him want to kiss her deeply and long, that she would protect him. He realized he was staring and blinked, looking away. “I thank you, Hawke.”

“Come, let's get backup and then we'll head over.” She rose, waiting for him to follow.

***

It had been a trap, because the maker was just not that kind to Fenris. He looked around the room. Varric was putting Bianca behind his back and searching the dead magister for gold. Anders was healing a wound on Hawke's shoulder, but she looked to be relatively ok.

He turned his attention back to the elf, his sister, who had betrayed him so fully. Anger filled him and left room for nothing else. He barely noticed his tattoos glowing again.

“I had no choice, Leto”, she backed up towards the wall, hands up in the air.

Fenris closed the gap between them in three steps, “Stop calling me that!”

“He was going to make me a magister.” she explained.

“You sold out your own brother to become a magister?” Anders said disbelieving from behind Fenris.

“You have no idea what we went through, what it was like, this was my only chance to ...” the elf tried to explain.

“And now you have no chance at all,” Fenris growled, backing her up completely against the wall, his glowing fist raised.

“Fenris, wait,” Hawke called out, rushing to his side. “You don't want to do this.”

“Why not? She was ready to see me killed,” he turned, snarling at Hawke.

“Because she's not worth it. You are better than that, I know the man you are, and you will regret this. Trust me, please.” Marian watched him, hoping he could see the message she was trying to convey through her eyes. Praying it was not too late for him.

Fenris turned back to face his sister. “I would have given you everything. Leave.” His tattoos stopped glowing as he moved back to let her run.

Before she exited she turned to say something more, but Anders stopped her. “You've done enough damage here, leave before I show you just why mages are feared.” Varric cocked Bianca's trigger as if to hammer home the message. She turned and left without another word.

“I thought discovering my past would bring a sense of belonging, but I was wrong. Magic has tainted that too. There is nothing for me to reclaim. I am alone.” he looked to the ground, turning to leave, his heart shattered.

Marian took his hand in hers and pulled him to look at her. “You're not alone, Fenris. You have me.”

Fenris could hardly believe the words she was saying. He looked into her eyes, expecting to see pity, but instead he found something unexpected, love. Fenris raised his hand and cupped her cheek, feeling warmth when she leaned into it. He gave her a warm smile, before dropping his hand and leaving. “I need some time.” he said to no one in particular.

Several city guards entered after he had departed, obviously sent by Aveline to clean up the carnage.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let's get home.” Anders said softly, pulling Hawke out of her daze.

***

“What do you mean you're leaving?” Hawke asked confused, tears in her eyes.

“Shh.” Anders touched her cheek and brushed away her tear. “I'm just going back to my clinic. I'm still just a trip through your cellar away if you need me. Nothing's changed, just where I sleep at night.” He placed his forehead to hers and then kissed her temple.

“But why? Did I do something?” She was confused.

“Marian, what was the one deal we made when I moved in here?”

“That when the time come, I let you step aside. That I don't give up love just to keep from hurting you.” she answered, “But I don't have someone, why are you doing this?”

Anders tipped her chin up to face him. “Go see your elf. If I'm wrong, find me and I'll come back, but I don't think I am.” He bent down to place a soft kiss to her lips one final time before giving Lulu a pet on the head and making his way to the secret entrance to Darktown.

Marian watched him leave, drying her tears but confused. Why did he think she should see Fenris? He said he wanted to be alone. Lulu nudged her and gave a small bark.

“You too? Fine, I'll go talk to him.”

***

Marian entered Fenris' home, uncertain what she would find. She could hear Isabella talking, and Fenris' voice did not sound angry when he answered the pirate's questions. That was a good sign, she hoped. She entered the room in time to have Isabella walk by and nod at her with a small grin. Did everyone but Marian think something was going to change?

Fenris took a seat near the fire and handed Marian a bottle of wine. He was quiet for a minute, watching as she took the other seat, before he stared into the fire, as if thinking of something.

He let out a small sigh, and spoke, “I thought if I didn't need to run and fight to stay alive, I would finally be able to live as a free man does. But how is that? My sister is gone, and I have,” he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, “nothing. Not even an enemy.”

“Maybe that just means there's nothing holding you back,” Marian tried to reassure him.

“Perhaps it is time to move forward. I just don't know where that leads,” he leaned forward in his chair and turned his head in her direction, “Do you?”

“Wherever it leads, I hope it means you'll still be here.” She was suddenly too shy to look at him directly.

“We...”, Fenris paused, as if unsure, “have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.”

Marian's breath held for a minute. “You didn't want to talk about it.” She still could not meet his eyes, afraid to give away too much, not wanting him to see the hope there only to have him crush it once more.

“I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me. I deserved no less,” Fenris looked at the ground, running a hand through his hair before standing up, walking in front of where she sat. “But, it isn't better. That night... I remember your touch as if it was yesterday.” She looked up, still unsure this was real, “I should have asked your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me now.”

Marian looked down to her hands. She needed to be sure, she was afraid to trust she wasn't reading too much into this again. “I need to understand why you left, Fenris.”

He looked at the ground again, his eyes sad. Was she going to send him away? Tell him it was too late. He could lie, just say he didn't know, but then if she sent him away, he'd never know if it was because he wasn't honest. He would have to take the risk that she would accept the truth. “I have thought of that answer a thousand times. The pain, the memories it brought up... it was too much, I was a coward. If I could go back, I would stay, tell you how I felt.”

Oh, this was definitely going somewhere. Anders was going to be obnoxious when he found out he was right, she thought. “What would you have said?”

“Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you,” he answered looking into her eyes. She was looking right back. It empowered Fenris to continue. He moved closer to her, bending down so that he was only a few inches away. “If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it, gladly, at your side.”

Marian stood, pressing herself closer. Fenris wrapped an arm around her waist, his other hand pulling her head close as their lips pressed together. It was soft, unsure at first. Marian put her arms around his torso, pulling him closer. As each saw the other was not pulling away, the kiss deepened. Fenris ran his tongue along her lip, wrestling with hers when she opened her mouth to him. He ran the hand from her head to her hip, and then back up, while the other around her waist pulled her closer. She gasped when she could feel his arousal. And then pushed back. She couldn't take the chance this was just one more time he'd change his mind the next day. If he did that, she'd be broken for good.

“Stop,” she said, barely above a whisper, pushing away slightly.

“Marian?” Fenris asked, trying to reach out to her again. No, no, no, he was so close to having her back, to finally fixing what was broke, he couldn't lose her.

“Prove it to me.” she said, looking at him, but not coming closer. “Prove to me you really mean those pretty words you say. Prove to me that when the sun rises you're not going to tell me this was all a mistake and push me away again.”

Fenris tried to take a step towards her, but she stepped back, maintaining the distance. “How? Just tell me how and I'll do it.” he was terrified.

She hadn't thought that far ahead. Her mind raced to give him an answer. “Court me. Don't just assume I am yours. Prove to me you want me by your side. A date. Tomorrow at six, dinner at my home.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow. He had no clue how to court a woman. He'd need to seek out Cullen, he was a knight, surely they knew. He nodded. Worried that when she returned home Anders would talk her out of it.

“Wait, what about.... what of your... of Anders?” he worried what her answer would be, worried he might have just ruined the tentative mood with that question.

“He moved back to his clinic. Dinner, six. This is the last chance, Fenris. If you change your mind,” she looked down, trying to keep away tears at the thought. “I will still be your friend, but this, whatever this is, this is the last chance.”

He nodded. There was no way he would mess this up again.


	12. Courting a Hawke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much to everyone that left me comments and kudos, they really really made my week <3

 Fenris stood in front of Hawke's estate, a few minutes before six. He wiped his hands along his pants, his palms nervous. He bent back to to retrieve the daises he had brought for her. Breathing calming breaths, trying to remember what he had been told the night before.

***

He was in the Hanged man, sitting at a secluded table with Cullen, both drinking an ale. Fenris stared down in his mug. To say he was nervous was and understatement.

“What are we celebrating, gentlemen?” Anders asked as he sat down.

“Fenris has a date with Hawke tomorrow. She told him if he want to win her back, he had to court her.” Cullen explained, much to Fenris' chagrin.

“I'm sure I don't need your help,” Fenris growled at him.

“Actually, much as I hate to admit it, he's probably the best one to ask. He had half the mages in the Circle pining over him.” Cullen smirked behind his mug.

“Fine,” Fenris agreed reluctantly.

Anders chuckled. “She's making you court her? Oh man, she must be pissed at you.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow, an unspoken question.

Anders signaled for Nora to bring him a drink. “Sorry, elf, but you've been jerking her around for years. She's doing this sort of as a twisted revenge for that. Just show her your serious this time, and she'll let you off the hook soon enough.”

“First, dress nice, I mean going to a dance nice. Leave this spiky armor at home.” Cullen explained.

“Hawke has never complained about my armor.” Fenris replied.

“It's not about that, it's about showing her she's special. That she's worth the time it takes for you to dress up for.” Anders explained. Fenris was suspect, that the mage was setting him up, but Cullen nodded in agreement, so Fenris agreed to find something the next day to wear.

“Bring her flowers, daises or tulips are her favorite”, Anders continued.

“I'm not sure Hawke likes flowers,” Fenris raised an eyebrow.

“Trust us, _all_ women like flowers. She'll like them,” Cullen reassured him.

The rest of the night was full of tips that swarmed in his head – Hold her chair out for her, pour her wine and let her sip first, listen more than you talk, compliment her dress (even if you've seen it a hundred times before), compliment her hair. If she cooked, make sure to tell her it's good, and eat it all, even if it's burnt. Kiss the back of her hand, don't brood, don't talk about magic and mages, that will just lead to a fight. Make sure to give her a goodnight kiss that leaves her wanting more.

He left the bar with his head spinning, unsure if it was from the ale or the advice.

***

Fenris took another deep breath and knocked on the door, holding the flowers in his other hand. He was dressed in black pants, with a grey shirt. He just couldn't bring himself to wear shoes though, he hoped she'd understand. Sebastian had assured him that his outfit was acceptable.

The door opened and Bodhan answered. “Messere Fenris, good to see you sir, the Lady will be down in a minute.”

Fenris nodded and entered. “Good call on the daises, Serrah” Bodhan winked as he passed on his way to the stairs to let Hawke know her date had arrived.

The moment she appeared at the top of the stairs his mind went completely blank. Panic came quickly after realizing he was forgetting everything Cullen and Anders had told him. He swallowed watching her descend, his mind jump started back up. She was wearing a dark green dress, sleeveless, with a flowing bodice. It was definitely _not_ something he had seen on her before. The smile on her face and the blush that hinted at her cheeks told him his appreciation had not gone unnoticed. She looked him up and down, seeming pleased with the outfit he had picked out too.

When she stood in front of him he took her hand, and kissed the back of it, handing her the flowers. The smile she wore when she brought the flowers to her nose was larger than he had ever seen. He was suddenly grateful for the advice and ribbing he had taken the night before. “Marian, you look practically sinful in that dress.” She blushed, making Fenris again feel he had hit the mark. The tightness in his chest eased a little, knowing that he had at least started it off correctly.

Fenris took her hand and led her to the dining room after she handed the flowers off to Bodhan to put into a vase. He remembered to pull the chair out for Marian, something that a few years ago may have been a painful reminder of his years as a servant, but he found he was enjoying doing these things for her, that it didn't feel like servitude, but instead like caring for her. Once they were seated, Orana entered, carrying in a tray of roast druffalo, seasoned potatoes and green beans. He blushed slightly, Marian had remembered this was one of his favorite meals, something her mother had often prepared when he would join them for dinner. Knowing that she also was going through an effort to show him he meant something special warmed him.

Dinner was nice. Their nerves quickly fell away after a few bites and they fell into a comfortable banter quickly. Marian shared stories about her family, giving him an insight into just how much love had been in her family, and making him realize with no small amount of heartbreak just how much it must have cut her to lose them all.

The meal complete, she led them into the library. Fenris remembered other advice and poured them both a glass of wine, handing one to Marian and waiting until she took a sip before he drank from his. He sat on the couch, motioning for her to join him. She sat next to him and quickly snuggled along side him. They sat in comfortable silence sipping on the wine, his arm around her, drawing light circles on her arm with a finger. Marian stretched her head and kissed him, a soft, open mouthed kiss on his neck, just below his ear. Fenris couldn't help the low growl that he made at the contact. It was as if she knew just how to unravel him with a single touch.

Touch had been something only ever associated with pain for Fenris. But with Marian, somehow it was never that. Sometimes it made him tingly, like he felt now. Other times it was comforting, like when she would squeeze his hand to let him know things were ok. It was as if over the years she was slowly helping him rewire his brain from all the damage that had been done to it.

She placed her glass down on the table. Before he had a chance to even react, Marian was straddling his lap. Her fingers in his hair, gently drawing him up into a kiss. His hands went to her hips, trying to be gentle. Marian slid closer, until their hips connected, her lips leaving his as she moved her warm kisses along his jaw, towards his ear. When she ran her tongue along his ear, the sensation went straight to his groin, his pants suddenly too tight. She ran her delicious tongue along his ear, and he nearly ripped her dress, his grip tightening so much.

“Marian” he groaned in response. She moved back so that she faced him, a grin on her face, like a cat that had cornered a mouse. He tried without much success to slow his breathing.

_Make sure to give her a goodnight kiss that leaves her wanting more._

He reached for her, one of the hands leaving her hip to run through her hair and pull her into another kiss. It was slow, and full of warmth. When he pulled her back her lips were kiss swollen, her eyes hazy. “I should leave.” he whispered.

“What?” she asked confused. “Why? I forgive you, you've proven how you feel. Don't you want me?” Her voice started to waiver.

“ _If she shows up in my clinic crying again because of you, I'm setting you on fire”_ Anders had warned him the night before.

There was no way she could not feel how much he desperately wanted her at that moment, he felt harder than steel. “Trust me, there is nothing I desire more, but I don't want to repeat my mistakes. I want this to be done right, you deserve that much.”

With all the willpower he had left he pried her from off of him, leaning down to kiss her once more. “I will most assuredly be dreaming of you tonight, beautiful Marian.”

She sighed, and placed her hand to her lips, as if to keep his kiss there. A lovely blush on her cheeks as she watched him leave.

***

Marian came down the stairs the following morning hearing voices from the kitchen. Even though it was nearly ten am, it was dark outside, rain clouds blocking the sun. She entered to see Anders running a hand along Orana's arm, she blushing furiously, while he tried to coax a blueberry muffin from her.

“Anders, stop fondling my help,” she teased, taking two muffins, handing one to him, as she walked to the library, him following, but not before bowing to Orana, causing the poor girl to giggle and turn a brighter shade of red.

“You shouldn't tease her, she's already got a crush on you as it is,” she good naturedly scolded him as they sat on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other. “So did you just come here to harass my cook and steal breakfast?”

Anders chuckled, finishing his bite of muffin. “I came to see how your date went. You don't look like you've been crying, but I don't see the elf here, so.....?”

Marian's eyes glazed over as a large grin appeared, causing Anders to chuckle again.

“That good, huh?” he asked, with a knowing smirk.

“Oh shut it, fine you were right, is that what you wanted to hear?” she laughed eating her muffin.

“Of course it is,” he laughed in return.

“It was perfect, but then, things were going good. _Really_ _good_. But then he put a stop to it and left. I don't get it.”

Anders nodded, a warm grin, “I do, it means my dear, that elf is very much smitten. A man only turns down a beautiful woman for two reasons, he either has someone already, or he does not want to rush to quickly and ruin something good. Fenris is single, so....”

Marian blushed. She opened her mouth to say something more, but then a knock at the door distracted them. A moment later Bodhan appeared, holding what appeared to be a wilted rose and a note. “This arrived for you by messenger Serrah.” He nodded to Anders and then left.

Marian looked at the flower confused. “What do you think this means?” she asked.

“I think it means you need to read the note,” Anders shrugged, equally confused. He leaned closer so that he could read the note at the same time she did.

_Marian -_

_The sun refused to shine today, knowing it could not compare to your radiance. This rose wilted, knowing it could not compare to your beauty._

_I thank you for an amazing night. I am finding I miss you already. My dreams were filled of nothing but you. My ears already miss the sound of your laughter, my arms miss the feel of holding you, my lips miss your kiss, and my eyes your smile._

_Please allow me to accompany you to the card game tonight._

_\- Fenris_

Marian blushed, a large grin on her face as she finished the note.

“Maker, he managed to make a wilted rose romantic. I think the student has surpassed the master,” Anders chuckled as he tapped her with his elbow.


	13. Justice and Crows

Marian fidgeted most of the day with nervous energy. She kept scolding herself, this was Fenris, the same Fenris she's known for years, why was she so nervous about going to play cards with him? After Anders left for the clinic she spent the day practicing with her blades, to burn of the nervous energy. She changed outfits three times trying to decide if she should dress in her typical armor, casual or dressy. She finally decided on a casual skirt with a slightly dressy top.

By the time he arrived that evening Marian was feeling better. That was until he took her hand, then all that nervousness returned in a flash. They walked to the Hangman hand in hand. With each step, Marian's heart soared. It was a simple thing, he was holding her hand, but with each person they passed it was as if he was openly declaring he belonged to her and she belonged to him. It was not an act of uncertainty, it was a very clear message, broadcast to anyone who could see them.

They sat along one of the long benches in Varric's room, across from them sat Cullen, Merril and Isabella. At one end of the table was Sebastian, the other Varric. Avelene was busy that night. Anders had not yet shown up, that left the side of the table for just Fenris and Hawke. Cullen gave Fenris a wink and a small smile as they sat.

They waited the customary ten minutes, and when Anders still hadn't shown, Varric began to deal. It wasn't unusual for him to be too busy at the clinic to join.

Half way through the first hand, Fenris' hand appeared on her knee. At first he just rested it there, but when the round ended and the second began his thumb began to draw lazy circles, moving just slightly above her knee. Marian felt a tingle run through her, straight from where he was touching her to her spine. She turned her head to look at him, and he gave her a devilish smile, but said nothing, looking at his cards. The smile alone sent another chill through her, which he must have noticed, giving her leg as light squeeze.

As the game progressed, so did his hand, climbing higher up her leg as the night moved on. He never touched her where she really wanted, but it was turning her into a melting ball of goo just the same. She hoped no one could tell what was going on, but from the look Isabella was shooting her, she at least knew.

By the end of the evening, she knew her smalls had to be soaked. Walking home, instead of hand in hand, they now were arm in arm, her leaning close to him. When they reached her front door, she pulled him close to her, he'd worked her into a tight spring all night, and she felt ready to explode.

Fenris placed a hand along the wall near her head, and leaned in kissing her slowly. Marian wrapped one hand around his neck, the other she ran through his hair, holding him close. Fenris' other hand held her waist. The kisses turned deeper, more urgent. He pressed his lips into hers harder, his tongue wrangling with hers.

“Come inside,” She whispered.

Fenris ran a finger along her jaw and kissed her softly once again. He pressed his forehead to hers. “Soon” he replied, his rumbling voice sending a shiver through her. “But not tonight.” He chuckled when Marian pouted, he kissed her once more, before he stepped back, taking her hand in his and pressing a soft kiss to the back of it as he left.

***

Marian entered Anders clinic hoping to see him. He had never come to the card game and hadn't shown up for breakfast. She had gotten used to seeing him all the time when they had lived together, and she missed him. When she entered he was talking to one of the Darktown residents. He gave her a warm smile and a nod to let her know he saw her.

After the woman left, Anders joined her on the bench. “So, looking forward to the card game tonight?” he asked with a grin.

She gave him an odd look. “Anders, that was last night.”

“Last night?” he asked. That wasn't possible. Just a few hours ago he had left her home after blueberry muffins, having read the note from Fenris. How did he lose a whole day? It hadn't been the first time he lost time recently, and he started to worry. Could it be the taint? Could it be his body starting to reject Justice? He would need to look into this more, but for now he didn't want her to worry. “I must have just gotten so busy here, I lost track of time. It's not like there's a window down here,” he grinned. “So tell me, how did last night go then?”

“It was wonderful and frustrating. He walked with me to the Hanged man holding”

“and then he kissed me and left.”

Anders tried hard to not panic. Somehow he had lost the entirety of her story. He nodded, and then rose.

“I'm sorry, Hawke. I seem to not be feeling well today. How about I meet you for breakfast tomorrow?” he asked, concerned about what was happening and needing to figure it out, afraid to tell her until he knew more.

“Of course.” she rose giving him a small kiss on the cheek. “I'll see you in the morning.”

***

Justice marveled. He'd been able to take control for a whole day and Anders seemed to have no memory. And then when Hawke was there, he was able to take control again, right in front of her, while she was watching him, and she didn't even notice. This was very interesting. This could be good. Anders had been fighting him on doing more than writing that manifesto, unwilling to do anything drastic. This could change things significantly.

***

Marian entered the plaza, where the note she had gotten asked for her to meet. Isabella, Fenris and Anders joining her.

“Ah, the Champion of Kirkwall. Your reputation precedes you.” A man, with a thick Antivan accent greeted her. “Forgive me, I should introduce myself properly. My name is Nuncio Caldera Lanos. I am a noble from the beautiful country of Antiva.”

“It must have taken a lot of practice to say that all in one breath,” Hawke chuckled.

“It's mostly to impress the ladies, I assure you.” Nuncio replied. “I've come to ask for your help, Champion. Hiding among the Dalish is an elven assassin I have been chasing for months. He's a master manipulator who will endanger even his own kind to ensure his survival.”

“Why are you after him?” Hawke questioned.

“At first it was mainly duty to Antiva, but after losing so many good men to him, it became personal. He's nothing but a murderer, a thief and a liar. I've heard of your dealings with the Dalish, I was hoping you could go where my men could not. Find out where the assassin is hiding, and apprehend him. “ Nuncio explained.

“We got a campfire outside of the city. Meet us there,” Nuncio's companion spoke up.

***

The Dalish had pointed them right to the cave the assassin was hiding in, saying he was expecting them. The fought their way through the caves, filled with spiders yet again.

After killing the yet another group, an elf entered. Marian couldn't help but admire him, he had long blonde hair, and was well built. Two blades were strapped on his back, and there was a tattoo across his face.

“Now you, I wasn't expecting.” the elf said, in an Antivan accent.

“I thought I smelled Antivan leather.” Isabella spoke, stepping forward.

The elf's hardened face changed into a warm grin. “Isabella!” he took her hand with a kiss. “If it isn’t my favorite pirate wench!”

Anders laughed. “I should have known if there was trouble with Antivans you’d be at the center of it.”

“Anders, good to see you my friend!” the elf bowed to him.

“Seriously, another person you all know?” Hawke spoke up, looking at Fenris who shrugged.

Zevran looked at the other two, his eyes landing upon Fenris, who stiffened at the attention, hand moving towards his blade.

“Might I ask, you would be Fenris, si?” the man asked.

Fenris changed to a defensive stance. “Who’s asking?” he growled.

“Down boy, he’s a friend,” Isabella smiled at him.

“No harm meant my friend.” The Antivan held his hands up. “There are drawings of you all over my daughter’s room. Looking at you I can see why she’s infatuated.” He chuckled.

Fenris raised an eyebrow, but moved to a more normal stance.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” he bowed again, “Zevran Arainai. I believe you know my Eleanor.”

Fenris completely relaxed at the introduction. “It is a pleasure.”

“So wait, you’re who we’re supposed to be hunting? I find it hard to believe Ari is married to a assassin, murder and a thief.” Hawke said.

“Lady Hawke I presume?” Zevran asked, taking her hand and kissing the back, eliciting another growl from Fenris. “Well they had the assassin part correctly. Let me guess, a man named Nuncio asked you to track me, to capture a dangerous killer, yes?”

“Yes,” Hawke replied. “I’m starting to suspect we were on the wrong side of this.”

“What did he tell you?” he asked starting to pace. “That I killed his wife? Butchered his family? Did he claim to be a lawman tracking me perhaps?”

“Something like that,” Hawke answered.

“Of course. He probably would not get your help by telling you he is tracking a woman and child.” Zevran replied. “I am here to draw him out, and … eliminate his party. And in the process, hopefully throw the Crows off the trail of where my family is now.”

“We’ll help of course,” Anders jumped in. “Won’t we, Hawke?”

“Of course, Anders” she nodded. “I happen to know where they are, let’s go end this. I don’t like being played for a fool.”

***

Marian snuggled next to Fenris as they sat in the Hanged Man watching as Zevran was sharing a drink and laughing with Cullen. It was clear the two knew each other well. Zevran had asked about Anders, but he was no where to be seen.

Zevran and Cullen joined them at the table. Zevran spent the night telling them stories of their adventures. The two also telling amusing stories of Cullen visiting in Antiva.

“I will need to find a merchant before I leave on the ship tomorrow. A scarf or dress perhaps.”

“You're bringing her back a gift?” Marian asked.

“I am late arriving back, a gift will soften the blow, quite literally. My Arianna has a mean punch.” Zevran chuckled. “And when your wife faced down an Archdemon, you try not to make her angry” Cullen snorted in reply.

***

Walking back to her home that night, holding Fenris' hand she wore a huge smile. “What are you thinking of?” Fenris asked her.

“Just how sweet it is. They've been together so long, and Zevran is so clearly still in love with her. It's just so romantic.” she sighed.

Fenris stopped walking and turned her to face him, he placed a hand on her cheek and kissed her softly. “It is very easy to love someone that much when they are special.” Marian felt her heart melt as she looked into his eyes.

 


	14. Finally Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but smut

Marian was going to kill the elf. It had been over a month of heated kisses, making out on the couch, and heated looks, but anytime it started to turn to something more, he'd leave. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take, the frustration was going to make her explode soon. If he tried to leave tonight, she would tie him to a chair.

He was currently pinned under her. Fenris was sitting on the couch, Marian straddling his legs. He had one hand on the small of her back, holding her close, the other in her hair. His kisses were slow, his tongue gently caressing hers. Marian moved closer, their hips touching. He thrust into her, she could feel a smile cross his lips when she moaned in reply. Slowly she began slipping his shirt from his slacks. This was typically when he would bolt. Tonight, however, he pulled her closer instead. His hand moved from her hair, slipping down and rubbing her breast. He ran the nipple between his thumb and finger, letting a groan slip as he felt it stiffen. The result was a feeling of fluttering in her abdomen, and a heat where her hips touched his. Marian's hands ran along his bare chest under his shirt. She decided to take the risk.

“Upstairs.” she tugged on his shirt. To her delight he nodded. Marian took his hand and led him out of the room, she was to the stairs when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back to him, so that her back was pressed to his chest. His lips touched her neck as the other hand began to knead her breast. Marian leaned her head against his shoulder turning it so that he was able to press his lips to hers again.

Fenris turned her in his arms and began carrying her up the stairs. Entering her room with Marian still in his arms he pushed the door shut with his foot, turning so that she was between him and the door. Marian's hands started tugging at his clothes. His lips left hers and began to travel along her jaw. With his mouth along her ear, he whispered to her, “Patience love. We have all night. Tonight we won't rush,” he kissed her neck, slow soft kisses that made her knees buckle. He kept her upright with an arm around her. “Tonight I want to learn how every inch of you tastes. Just where to touch you, just what you like.” He returned to the slow kisses along her neck, alternating between licks and nibbles, moving his way down to where her neck met her shoulder.

He broke away to pull his shirt over his head, a smile graced his face when he heard her release an appreciative moan. He moved back to her, giving the ribbon holding her dress up a slight tug, and feeling it puddle at her feet. His eyes roamed her body now exposed to him. She was wearing a matching breast band and smalls, both black with white lace. He raised an eyebrow and gave her a lustful smirk, pulling her to him again. He led her to the bed, laying her down on it before moving over her. Marian ran her hands along his back pulling him close. They kissed, more urgent, him pressing her into the bed, relishing the feel of her body beneath him. A slow roll of his hips caused a moan to fall from her lips as she tilted her head back. Fenris began slowly kissing, licking and nipping his way down her neck again. His hands moved behind her back, untying her breast band. Marian giggled as he threw it across the room. That giggle quickly turned to a wanton moan as his mouth wrapped around a breast. His hand fondled the other breast, plucking the nipple to a peak again. He licked and sucked at her breast, growling as she ran her hands through his hair pulling him close. Her hips bucked as he moved his mouth to her other breast, his tongue quickly turning her to a quivering mass.

Fenris continued his descent down her body. As he had promised, he nibbled, licked and caressed every bit of her. He made notes of every noise she made, paying special attention to anywhere that made her moan or writhe. He lowered his mouth to the apex of her thighs. He sucked at her clit through her smalls. Marian's hands grasped the pillow by her head and she cried out his name. He tugged at her smalls, tossing them somewhere in the room as soon as they were removed. He ran his tongue along her. She bucked again as he laved at her clit with his tongue, one hand moving to hold her hips down. With his other, he pushed a finger into her. He moved it faster, adding a second one as he continued to lick and suck her. He was encouraged by the noises she was making. He moved the hands from her hips, and moved it under him, unlacing his breeches. He slid out of them, before taking himself in hand. He was harder than he could remember being. The noises she was making went straight to his cock.

He could feel her start to clench around his fingers. Marian began to scream out his name, her hands gripping the sheets as she came. He continued sucking at her until her breathing evened out. He then slowly made his way back up her body, nibbling and licking as he did.

Marian tugged on his hair gently, holding him to her when their lips touched. Their tongues battled for dominance. Fenris pulled back slightly, locking eyes with her. His heart inflated at the look of desire he saw in hers. She nodded and her eyes shut as her mouth moved into an O shape when he pressed into her. She felt so warm and wet. Fenris wondered how he'd been able to live so long without this feeling. Without being this close to her, this intimate. He knew at that moment there was no way he'd ever be able to live without this, without her again. He was hers totally and without question.

“Fenris, please,” she moaned, her nails digging into his back. He kissed her again as he began moving slowly at first, picking up speed as she began arching her hips to meet his. Marian ran her tongue along his ear to the tip, causing a shudder to run through him, and a growl to leave his throat. Marian moaned out his name in a continuous stream. Each time he felt himself growing harder, knowing he was the one causing her to cry out. It was he, a former slave, someone that had believed he was a no one, that was making the Champion cry out. It was he that was giving her so much pleasure. It was he that she desired above all others. He knew at that moment that he was more than just hers. He loved her.

He felt her clench around him again, as she stiffened and pulled him tight to her. Her nails dug into his back as she bit into his shoulder, screaming out her release. His breath hot and heavy near her ear, he pushed just a few more times before his seed began to fill her. He groaned her name into her ear, finally collapsing on top of her.

After a few minutes, his breath calmed, and he lifted slowly, feeling himself soften inside her. He looked down at her, her eyes aglow. He kissed her again and then took a large swallow. He was nervous. What if she told him he presumed too much. He knew he had to tell her how he felt, or he would go crazy.

“Marian,” he ran a hand along her cheek. “I love you.”

He watched her face to try to read her reaction. At first she just blinked at him. Then he could see a tear form, followed by a large grin. “I love you, too, Fenris.” she began kissing his cheeks. “I love you,” another kiss, “I love you”. He moved off of her, pulling her to his side as he wrapped an arm around her.

She loved him, she didn't see a broken man, she didn't see a nobody that Danarius had always made him believe to be. She saw someone worthy, someone worthy of her love. She loved him.

After the second time they made love, he rose. Marian looked paniced, and he quickly rushed to her side, kissing her. “I'm just putting another log on the fire my love. I swear to you, I will never leave again.”. She relaxed at his vow.

As he fell asleep, with her wrapped in his arms, he thought he had never felt safer in his life. He knew he had finally found where he belonged. It wasn't Kirkwall, it wasn't the estate, it was here, in the arms of Marian Hawke. As long as he was there, he would be home.

 


	15. Unraveling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of excitement in this chapter, it's more setting things up for what's to come.

 Fenris slowly came to consciousness as the sun hit his eyes. He slowly rubbed his eyes with his hand. It was then that he noticed the feeling of warmth on his left side and that he couldn't move that arm. For half a moment, his brain still in sleep, he felt confused. Then the night before slowly flashed through his head and a smile came to his face. He tilted his head down and his smile grew when he saw Hawke looking up at him. She ran her fingers along his jaw.

“Good morning,” he said in his warm voice.

“You stayed,” she sighed.

Fenris captured her lips giving her a soft kiss. “I am yours, Marian. I swear to you, from here on out, any night that you fall asleep with me in your bed, you will awaken with me still there.”

She beamed at him, crawling on top of him, “Then allow me to show you the advantage of you being here in the mornings.”

***

Anders flipped frantically through the book in front of him. The clinic was closed, the only light a candle on the table. The book was one the mage underground had given him about possession. He'd lost two days again. He'd also written to Nathaniel Howe to see if he knew if the taint could result in memory loss.

So far the book was providing no insight, information on preventing possession and on determining if a mage is possessed, but nothing so far on removing possession. He'd have to tell Hawke, she should know. Especially if it could become an issue on a mission. He worried what her reaction might be. Would she tell Cullen? He may be a friend, but if he found out about Justice, much less about his latest problems, he was pretty sure Cullen would drag him off to the Circle, promises to the Hero or not.

He put his hands in his head, feeling his eyes fight to stay open. He had no idea when he'd actually slept – one downside of losing days. Sleep, then talk to Hawke tomorrow, he decided.

***

The party entered the Gallows – Hawke, Fenris, Varric and Anders. There had been some reports lately of blood mages in the hills. Hawke was hoping that Cullen could provide some assistance. She looked around, he was not at his usual location. She approached another Templar.

“Pardon Ser,” she started not knowing the man's name.

“Knight-Lieutenant Rylan, Serrah”, he nodded.

“Ser Rylan, I'm looking for the Knight-Captain” she explained.

“Sorry Serrah, the Knight-Captain is not available at the moment.”

“Oh,” she wasn't sure if this man could be trusted or not, and she couldn't take the risk, especially with Anders with them. She turned to leave.

“Serrah, are you Hawke by chance?” The Templar asked.

Hawke placed her hands on the hilt of her blades, prepared to defend the mage if necessary. She nodded.

The Templar relaxed at her admittance. He spoke again, this time with a lowered voice. “Champion, the Knight-Captain told me to offer you any assistance required in his absence. Without the Knight-Commander knowing of course.” he winked.

Hawke lowered her hands from her blades. “Where is Cullen?”

“Champio...”

“Hawke, please” she cut him off. She _hated_ the honorific.

“Hawke. Ferelden.” he answered, continuing when she looked confused. “Not sure why. I just know a messenger bird showed up two days ago, and then yesterday one of the King's aides appeared and he left on the King's boat for Ferelden. Must have been pretty important for King Alistair to send a personal escort. The Knight-Captain said he'd return in a few weeks, and that I was to help you if you requested, that's all I know.”

“What do you think, Varric?” she looked to the dwarf.

“I think if Curly trusted him enough to tell him to help you, then he's probably trustworthy.” Varric nodded.

Hawke looked this Rylen up and down. “I know about your friend there Serrah,” he indicated Anders with his eyes. “And the Knight-Captain made it clear just how much trouble I'd be in should I make trouble for you and yours.”

Hawke let a small laugh out. She then explained what help she needed, and Rylen promised to meet her along with two other Templars he could personally vouch for to help.

As they left, Anders grumbled. “We should not be asking help from these Templars. The Knight-Captain especially. They are not to be trusted.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow. This was not the first time in recent weeks that Anders had acted out of character.

“You feeling alright there, Blondie. Since when is Cullen not a friend.” Varric asked.

Anders did not answer, a snarl across his lips as he walked away from the group.

***

Anders paced his clinic. He was packing a small bag quickly. Just enough supplies for a week, but he needed to go somewhere away from everyone while he read through the book. The blackouts were becoming more frequent. Nathaniel's letter provided no answers, however he had offered to write to the Wardens in Orlais and see if they had more information. Justice had become unusually quiet which was causing Anders to suspect the spirit was the cause.

Closing up his bag, he grabbed the book on possession and locked the door. He made his way to cliffs he saw on the Wounded Coast, feeling it would be safer if he wasn't putting the citizens of Kirkwall at risk of whatever was going on.

***

A week later Marian sat on the couch by the fire reading through her mail. She looked up and smiled seeing Isabella at the doorway. The pirate plopped herself on the couch, stretching out with her head in Marian's lap, and her feet over the arm of the couch.

“I'm bored. What're you doing, Kitten?” she asked with a sigh.

“Mail. Things are starting to boil over between the Templars and Mages out there, and with Cullen away, it's getting worse. I'm worried where this is headed, there seems to be more Tranquil and more Blood-mages every day.” Marian worried at her bottom lip.

“Kitten, you have that sexy elf of yours back, you need to drag him upstairs and relieve some of that tension.” she looked around, “Where is tall, dark and broody anyway?”

“He's off with Sebastian trying to find Anders.” Marian answered.

“Anders? He's missing too? Who am I going to ogle now?”

Marian smirked and shrugged. “I don't know. He hasn't shown up here in weeks, and I went to his clinic, it's locked up tight.”

“But you broke in, right?”

Marian nodded. “It looks like no one's been there for days. I'm worried. He's not been acting like himself lately. You don't think Meredith is involved, do you?”

“Not unless she's crazier than we think she already is. That would start a war with the Wardens for sure. Arianna's like you, you mess with her people, she's going to kick your ass.” Isabella tried to reassure her.

Marian nodded, watching the fire feeling no more reassured than she was that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aligns with Chapter 48 of "Love and Darkspawn" if you're wondering where Cullen is.


	16. Everything Changes

Marian walked into the front of her estate muttering. They'd encountered some slavers along the coast, and while it did some good to get some aggression out, the fight also seemed to leave Fenris a little raw. He decided it would be best for him to stay in his mansion for the night and promised to join her for breakfast in the morning. Marian had learned, much as she didn't like it, it was best to give him his space when he was dealing with his past. She was learning that he would come to her when he was ready to talk, but that he needed to first process these memories on his own. At the start of their rekindled relationship she tried to push him to talk, but all that did was make him pull away and shut down more. It was Merril, of all people, that pulled her aside one day and explained to her that Fenris had been trained by his master to believe any emotions he was having were wrong, that he was working through undoing all that had been beaten into him for years. Merril tried to reassure Marian that if she was patient, over time Fenris would come to her instead of pulling away when triggered, but that for now the best thing she could do for him was to step away, but reassure him that she was there when he was ready for her to be, and that there would be no repercussions for his need to be alone. Until they had reunited, she hadn't really thought about what years of horrible abuse did to him. The trust he had shown in her in what he had shared so far was huge. The things he did share, they made her want to kill Danarius all over again. On more than one occasion he had shot up in bed in a cold sweat, clearly having relived something in his dream. Only once was it bad enough that he felt the need to leave, after reassuring Marian as much as he could that he would return – and he had an hour later. Most of those nights, he'd instead clung to her for safety, something she found ironic, the strong, killer warrior, looking for safety in the arms of the petite rogue. She would gently touch his head and whisper soothing words of love and affection on those nights until sleep took him again.

Bodhan greeted her at the hall and took her blades from her while Orana helped remove her blood soaked armor. She made a note that she needed to pay them both more just for all the cleaning of blood they both kept having to do. Once down to her leathers, she felt more human.

“There's a visitor for you, Serrah, in the library. Messere Anders.” Bodhan nodded.

Marian practically ran to the library. Anders turned when he heard her enter and Marian launched herself into his arms. She hugged him so tight he worried for a moment that she might break his ribs, but he returned the embrace just as enthusiastically. Even though he knew he had left for everyone's safety, he still missed his best friend all the same.

When they pulled apart she wore a grin, but smacked his arm just the same. “Ow,” he rubbed at where she had hit.

“You were gone for a month without any word. I thought you were gone for good.” she had tears in her eyes, but didn't look angry.

“I'm sorry. I had to take care of something, that's actually why I'm here. But I wouldn't just leave...”he started to explain.

“Why not? You escaped the Circle, you left the Wardens without any notice. Why shouldn't I think you might just flee from Kirkwall and everything going on here with Meredith? Maker, I even yelled at Cullen, accused his men of grabbing you while he was away. I'm going to be buying him drinks to apologize for that for a year.” she shook her head.

He placed a hand on her cheek. “I'm sorry.”

Marian leaned into him again, this time the hug was softer, less rib-cracking. She never could stay mad at him for long. “Forgiven” she mumbled into his chest causing him to chuckle. “So you wanted to talk?”

“Is now ok? Did you have plans with Fenris? You're still with him right? I guess I shouldn't assume.” He suddenly felt awful for having left her like that. It hadn't occurred to him that it might be like Fenris bolting on her, or like losing another family member.

“We are, but no, no plans for tonight, I'm all yours.” She sat on the couch as Orana entered carrying in tea for them both, which Marian thanked her for. “What was so important you had to take off and cause me to nearly cause a war in the Gallows to break you out from a prison you weren't even in apparently?” Her lips curved slightly giving away that she wasn't really angry.

Anders joined her on the couch, and like he usually did, pulled her feet into his lap while they talked. “There's been a problem for a while, and I'm sorry I didn't come to you about it before, and when I tell you, you're most likely going to be angry at me.”

Marian sat up more and took his hand in hers. “Anders, just tell me, and we'll fix it.”

He sighed, looking into the fire. Her recent time with Fenris had taught her to just wait for him to talk. After a few minutes he did, but seemed afraid to look at her when he did. “I've been losing time, blackouts. Sometimes just for a few minutes, other times whole days.” he heard her gasp, but she still said nothing, just squeezing his hand to encourage him to continue. He still did not turn to look at her, but squeezed his hand in reply. “I thought maybe it was a Warden thing, and I wrote to Nathaniel Howe, but he confirmed what I already knew – that it has little to do with being a Warden. I'm convinced now that it's Justice. I don't know if he's taking over during those times, or if it's just that my joining with him has caused damage. Either way, I realize that taking a spirit into myself was wrong.”

He finally mustered up the courage to look at her. He was expecting anger, he had kept this from her and she would have every right to be pissed. That was definitely a pissed off Hawke sitting next to him. He tried to pull his hand away, but she would not let go.

“How long?” she asked him, trying to keep her tone even.

“A few months.” Anders answered her, knowing there was no point to lying any longer.

She nodded and then left the couch and began pacing. “A few months. A few MONTHS” she was practically yelling, turning to shoot a look at him every few passes by. “Why Anders? Why didn't you tell me sooner?”

Even thought he had expected it, he still flinched from her anger. He knew that he deserved it, but it didn't make it any easier to take. “I needed to be sure, and even once I was, I needed to figure out if anything could be done. I'm still not sure if it's Justice.”

Marian stopped pacing and returned to the couch. She took his hand again. “It is, I'm sorry Anders, I didn't know until just now, but he... He's been somehow here without any of us knowing. You don't glow like you did when he's in the front. But you've been acting strange the last few months, angrier. Now I know why.” she said the last sentence quieter. “Is there anything we can do?”

Anders nodded and pulled out a note. “I was researching possession, trying to see if I could find anything short of death that could solve this. I found this note, tucked away in the book. I have most of the ingredients it lists here, I just need your help to obtain two others and then I'd be able to make this potion.”

“Are you sure this will work? What if it poisons you?” Marian asked, concerned.

“I have to try something. Otherwise there is little else besides death. If he's taking over like you say, how long do you think it will be before Cullen figures out I have a spirit in me and drags me to the Gallows?” He said emphatically.

Marian nodded. “Of course I'll help, just tell me where we need to go to get these.”

Justice was pleased that his plan was working. He had written the recipe and placed it in the book while Anders slept instead of just taking over, to arouse less suspicion in the mage. Everything was falling into place.

***

Marian sparred with Fenris in the garden. The last few days had gone well. She had been able to help Anders that same night find the ingredients he needed for the potion. That morning the two of them had visited the Chantry itself to say a prayer for Hawke's mother and also for Anders, should the potion prove deadly. She was practically buzzing with excitement, sure that the potion would work. Fenris had tried to temper her, afraid that if it didn't work, that should Anders perish or should it simply not work, it would devastate her. He was hoping the sparring match would help keep both their minds off the fact that it was unknown and all they could do was wait for Anders.

Fenris was finding it hard to concentrate on the sparring however as Hawke kept touching him when she'd spin. At first he thought she was just being sloppy, but the third time she had brushed a hand along his arm as she spun, he knew she was being purposeful. Hawke spun and made to move around him, but Fenris was quicker, grabbing her arm and pulling her into his. She giggled as he pulled her closer. “You do not fight fair.” he said, lowering his lips to her ear.

She sighed. “You _know_ what your voice does to me, it seems I'm not the only one not fighting fair here, _elf_!” she teased him.

Fenris let out a playful growl and nipped at her neck causing Hawke to shriek and giggle. She squirmed in his arms, as if trying to escape, but they both knew she didn't really desire to. Fenris raised his head and rested his forehead on hers. They stared into each others eyes. He couldn't help but smile at the love he saw shining in her eyes at him. She had become his sanctuary. She was there when he needed comfort, but allowed him his space when he needed as well, and never made him feel guilty for either. She loved him, no matter how broken he felt he was, she accepted him, and when needed, she put his shattered pieces back together with loving words and gentle caresses. Fenris closed his eyes and brushed his lips against hers in a slow kiss. He smiled into the kiss when she wriggled her arms out of his embrace to wrap them around the back of his head.

A cough from the door pulled them apart. “Begging your pardon, my Lady, Messere Fenris. There seems to be a disturbance in Lowtown. Messere Varric sent a runner with this message for you both.”

Hawke extracted herself from Fenris smirking when she heard him growl at her leaving his arms. She took the note and opened it, feeling him move behind her so that he could read it too.

_Hawke -_

_Grab Broody and get over here NOW. Meredith and Orsino are about to kill eachother._

_-Varric_

_***_

Hawke and Fenris ran to the stairs where Varric was already waiting. Meredith and Orsino already yelling at each other.

“This is getting us nowhere. Grand Cleric Elthina will put a stop to this.” Orsino glared at the Knight-Commander.

Meredith grabbed him as he tried to walk away. “You will not bring her Grace into this.”

“The Grand Cleric cannot help you.” Anders said, walking up to the growing crowd.

“Explain yourself, _mage_.” Meredith insisted.

“I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals while those who would lead us bow to their Templar jailers.” Anders approached the two bickering leaders.

“How dare you speak to – “ Orsino growled.

“The Circle has failed us, Orsino! Even you should be able to see that.” Anders interrupted. “The time has come to act, there can be no half-measures.”

“Anders, what have you done?” Hawke asked, stepping behind him. She gasped when he turned around, his normally brown eyes were blue. Fenris seemed to notice this too as she felt him pull her back toward him.

“There can be no turning back,” Anders answered. No, this was Justice, Marian thought.

A moment later there was a large rumble and the ground shook. Fenris pulled Hawke even closer and a moment later there was a deafening explosion, they all turned. Horror echoing in all their faces at the Chantry being blown apart.

 


	17. The End of What Was

Hawke wrenched herself from Fenris' arms and lunged at Anders. She began to shove him in the chest.

“Justice!” she snarled. “You're a murderer. The grand cleric, the mages... they're on your hands, Justice.”

“I know,” he showed himself, blue cracks glowing through Anders' skin. Hawke was only mildly aware of Cullen uttering a shocked _Maker have mercy_ from the side.

They fought the Templars that attacked after Meredith and Cullen left. Now standing with only her companions, she had been told the fate of Anders was in her hands. Marian watched as he sat on a crate facing away from them all. During the fighting the rest of her friends had joined them.

“What are your plans, Hawke?” Aveline asked.

“We need to defend the mages,” her eyes moved to Justice. “It was not they that did this, they should not be held accountable.”

She turned and looked at Fenris. She worried this would be too much for him, that she'd have to choose between doing what she knew was right, and her lover. He walked to her side and took his hand in hers, and the look in his eye made her feel shameful for having ever doubted him. “I will follow you, you have never led us wrong before.” he squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Hawke nodded and dropped his hand as she turned back to Justice. She still needed to decide what to do with him. She stood behind him but said nothing.

“There's nothing you can say that I don't already know, Marian.” he looked down. “I took a spirit into my soul and changed us both forever.”

That didn't sound like something Justice would say. She moved around to his front and lifted his chin with her hand to look at him. Brown eyes looked back. Hawke sighed in relief, glad to see he was still in there, she had been worried that Justice had taken over for good.

“So this potion?” She raised an eyebrow.

“He deceived us both, love.” he looked back down. “I really thought... Maker I was a fool. You should kill me before he takes over again.”

She met Fenris' eyes again. “If you do this, Hawke, you will not be able to take it back. Much as I may think he should be put down, I know it would break your heart, so I ask that you not.”

Marian's eyes threatened to tear. For Fenris to say he wanted what was right for her, not for anyone else, the love and trust he was showing her, if there was not the threat of war around them she'd probably be running into his arms right now.

“Come with us, help us defend the mages.” she told him.

“You mean stay with you? You'll let me help?” Anders rose looking at her surprised.

“No!” yelled out Sebastian. “You cannot let this abomination walk free. He dies, or I am returning to Starkhaven. And I will bring such an army with me on my return that there'll be nothing left of Kirkwall for these maleficarum to rule.”

“Stand down, Sebastian.” she snapped at him.

“We will not be friends when we meet in battle, Hawke,” Sebastian growled as he stormed away.

“Thank you,” Anders said quietly.

“Help us defend the mages, heal those that need it. Justice, if you can hear me, if you appear I will cut you down myself. When this is over, you will leave Kirkwall, Anders, and never return. That is the price for your life.” She watched him, making sure his eyes remained the right color.

He nodded, sorrow in his eyes. They moved to leave. As she passed by Fenris he pulled her back to speak with her.

“Here I am, about to defend these mages in hopeless battle. You lead me to strange places, Hawke.” he held her hand in his.

“I'll take you to stranger places than this, just you watch,” she gave him a small smile.

“A tempting offer.” Fenris squeezed her hand. “I may not get the chance to say this again. Meeting you was the most important thing that has ever happened to me, Hawke.” He moved closer, only a breath away. “Promise me you won't die. I can't bear the thought of living without you.”

“I don't make that promise unless you do,” she said quietly in return, her eyes never leaving his.

“Nothing is going to keep me from you,” he said, his one hand pulling her lips tight to his as the other wrapped around her waist. He put everything he had into that kiss, all the love, all the fear that this kiss might be their last, all the hope that it would not. Hawke moaned into his mouth, her hands on his hips holding him close.

***

Marian entered her bedroom and quietly began to remove her blood stained gear. They had won, if you could call it that. Meredith was dead, turned into a statue by the red lyrium weapon she had. Cullen had stepped in to lead the Templars. She looked up from removing her bracers when she felt Fenris' hand on her arm. He had removed his gloves. He said nothing but pushed her hand to the side, looking quickly into her eyes before he quietly began to remove her bracers for her.

Orana entered carrying a bucket and cloth, placing them near Fenris and leaving without a word, shutting the door behind her. Fenris continued to silently remove the armor from Hawke. She watched him in a daze. He must have taken his armor off at the front hall as he was now in just a clean shirt (probably one of the ones he had kept here, she thought) and his loose breeches that he'd taken to wearing when they were just lazing about the house.

Once he had her down to just her shirt and smalls he bent down and wet the cloth, still saying nothing, but watching her with tenderness. He gently wiped the blood from her face, as well as a few spots from her arms. He then placed the bucket in the hall, returning quickly to face her. The moment he did, Marian's lip began to quiver. Fenris pulled her close to him and hugged her, trying to impart all his love into the embrace.

“He's gone. I nearly killed him,” she sobbed, turning into a blubbering mess.

“But you didn't. He is alive. You did the right thing,” he ran his hands in circles along her back.

“Did I? I hate him. This is his fault, he should have never.... I hate him.” she clung to Fenris' shirt, soaking it with her tears as sobs wracked her body.

Fenris chuckled. “Why are you laughing at me crying?” she pulled back to look at him.

“Because you are a fool,” he said, grabbing her hand before she could smack him. Rushing to explain before she started kicking. “You are a fool for thinking you hate him. I know that some day you will see the mage again. I give it five minutes tops before you've forgiven him.”

“I won't.” she shook her head.

“Yes you will. Because that is who you are. You see the best in people, you love like no one I have even known. And you are more forgiving than anyone either. If you were not, I would not be here, with you in my arms, trying to decide if you want to kiss me or hit me because you know I am right.”

She sighed, and leaned back against him. “I just want to go to sleep and forget this horrible day every happened. Can we do that?”

Fenris nodded, and they moved to the bed. He removed his now tear soaked shirt, and laid down. Hawke curled up next to him and laid her head on his bare chest as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, letting sleep take them both.

***

Fenris kissed Marian on the lips softly as he stood up from the table in the kitchen where they had breakfast with Orana. Bodhan had decided it was best if he and Sandal left, and they had departed for Orlais early that morning.

“Where are you going?” she asked, worry in her eyes.

“I just have to take care of something quick. I will be back in less than an hour.” he assured her.

Exiting the mansion he walked quickly to his destination.

Fenris found who he was looking for, preparing to leave town. “A word before you depart.” Fenris said just loud enough for the other to hear.

Sebastian turned around. “Fenris” he nodded.

“I wish to discuss what you said yesterday. I consider you a friend, but I will not allow harm to come to Hawke.” he began.

Sebastian held up his hand. “No need, Fenris. I think of you the same. I was angry, lost in my grief for the loss of the Grand Cleric. I have no quarrel with Hawke or with Kirkwall. Both are safe from me.”

“Perhaps. But the mage. While I don't disagree with you, if something happened to him, she would forever blame herself, thinking she could have stopped you, could have saved him.”

Sebastian looked to the ground and then back to the elf. “You are asking a lot of me, my friend.”

“I know” Fenris answered, saying no more.

Sebastian looked up to the sky, in thought or prayer, Fenris was uncertain. When he met Fenris' eyes again he nodded. “As repayment for her helping avenge my family. I will promise, no harm will come to either of them. Not through me or any agent working for me. You have my word as the rightful King of Starkhaven.”

“I thank you. And I hope we meet again.” he shook the Prince's hand

 


	18. The Damage Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is still more story to tell, do not fret <3

 Marian picked the lock to the clinic and slid inside. She hadn't been down here since the Chantry exploded a week prior. A small part of her secretly hoped to find a too-skinny blonde haired mage when she entered. That hope died when she looked around. It was clear he was gone, the scattering of things around told her he was probably here at some point after the fighting, grabbing up his things in a hurry to run. She searched around just the same, there was potions and herbs, but besides his manifesto, there was nothing left of him.

She walked into the back room that was where he slept. His cot was still there, but the room otherwise was bare. Marian laid down on the bed and noticed the pillow still smelled of him. The floodgates opened then. She stayed there, curled in his cot, clinging to what had been his pillow as she loudly sobbed. She wasn't sure if the pain in her chest and her throat as she cried were from anger at what he did, or the loss of him. That she would never see him again, he was gone. Just like every one else in her family, he had been violently cut out of her life with no warning.

Thrty minutes later, after her crying had slowed she sat back up and let her eyes scan the room once more. There was nothing, no small memento of her friend. Then she noticed something on the ground. She picked it up and recognition lit in her eyes. It was the pillow from his mother. If he left it, she was sure it was not intentional. It was the one thing he had from his life before the circle. She placed it in her pack and lit the lanterns inside. Cullen would be here soon with mages. She had convinced him to allow a few of the most trusted to come to the clinic once a week to help those in need, those that needed it most who now didn't have a healer anymore.

As Marian continued to pick up the clinic and prepare it she wrestled with her warring emotions. Part of her was still angry, that he had not told her sooner, that he had not looked more into the potion before convincing her to help. She was mad at herself for not seeing through Justice's deception. The rest of her was sad. Her best friend was really gone, the empty clinic confirmed it. He wasn't coming back, no more jokes at Wicked Grace, no more playfully scolding him for flirting his way to extra cookies from Orana. Fenris had been trying his best to help, but he had little experience with such things, that he was often unsure of how to approach her, but she loved him for the effort just the same.

She looked up hearing the door open. Cullen entered with two mages, a man and a woman, and another Templar. Marian greeted both, their introduced themselves as Mikel and Anna. Cullen gave instructions to the Templar who was staying at the clinic, only answering Hawke with terse answers when necessary. He was clearly still angry. Two days prior he had been pacing in his office, growling and yelling at her for not having told him about Justice. _“Your foolish belief that you were somehow protecting him cost hundred their lives. It is exactly because of this that mages need to be watched. You knew he was possessed and said nothing.”_

After Cullen left Marian lit the lanterns outside and opened the doors signaling the clinic was open. Within an hour they were full, mostly injuries from the damage the explosion did to Darktown, causing some cave ins. Several arrived just hopeful that their healer had come back, disappointed to see the two mages instead.

She left the clinic that night exhausted, but feeling good knowing she was able to help others. She grabbed her bag and returned to her home, looking forward to collapsing in her elf's arms.

***

It took another week before Cullen started coming around again to play cards. The rest of them were in their usual seats when he entered, dressed in casual attire. He took his usual seat and nodded to them. Varric handed him a mug of ale and began dealing the cards.

Marian was nervous to say anything, but Isabella broke the ice. “Good to have you back, Cullen.”

He sighed, clearly just as nervous as Hawke had been. “I decided I could either lock myself in my office and continue to be angry about things we can't change, or I could forgive and spend time with the few friends I have.” he looked in Marian's direction out of the corner of his eye. “Assuming I still have those friends.”

“You do,” she gave him a warm smile, feeling Fenris beside her give her hand a small squeeze.

***

Fenris helped move debris from the courtyard in Hightown. Even though it had been just over a month since the explosion there was still a lot of damage to be repaired. His mind wandered as he worked. He was feeling inadequate, unsure what to do to help Hawke. While she seemed to be getting better, he could tell she still took the events that had occurred hard. One minute she'd be fine, then he'd find her on the couch, clinging to the small pillow she said was his, crying as she had when her mother had died. The next day he might find her in the garden beating on the training dummy. And then that afternoon she'd be kissing him madly and ripping at his clothes. Well, that last one he didn't mind as much and that he at least knew how to react to. Varric had assured him that the best thing Fenris could do was just to listen when she needed to talk, hold her when she needed to be held, and to be wary of what he said about the mage. Varric warned him that as angry and betrayed as they all may be feeling, saying anything disparaging about Anders, could push Hawke further away.

Across the courtyard Cullen was handing supplies – lumber, stone and other items to help residents repair their homes. He was dressed again in his casual attire, finding that citizens had been intimidated by his armor, given what had occurred with the last Knight-Commander.

Fenris watched and reached for his sword as he saw a cloaked figure approach the Knight-Commander who had his back to whoever it was. Fenris slowly walked in that direction, ready to do battle should it be necessary.


	19. Changes coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> This chapter has major spoilers for my other work "Love and Darkspawn". You've been warned

She approached the square quietly. The other Templars had let her know where to find him, and there he was, still upright, walking, alive. She breathed a sigh of relief. Even though she had heard he was, she needed to see it with her own eyes. She took a deep breath to steady herself as she moved closer.

“Cullen?” she called out, nerves making her breath shakey.

He turned around, his face softening to a warmth as soon as his eyes hit her. “Makers breath, you're a sight for sore eyes.” The Knight-Commander held out his arms and she all but leapt into them.

“I just had to see for myself that you were ok.” she whispered as they hugged.

Cullen looked over his shoulder and nodded to Fenris who re-sheathed his sword and stepped away, assured that all was alright. He then placed her back her feet and put his hand on her cheek as her hood fell down. “Ari, I'm so happy to see you.” he then looked around the square. “Is it safe for you to be out here, lets get you off the street. We can talk in my office.”

The Hero nodded, replacing her hood, following him back to the Gallows.

They entered his office and he stuck his head out to say something to someone. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and someone arrived with tea and sandwiches, which he placed on his desk. He looked over, she had taken her cloak off and placed it on a chair. Her red hair was now short, almost like Hawke's. Ari was looking at the drawings on his wall from her daughter, Eleanor, all full of color and love.

“I never realized how many of these she sent you,” Ari said, reaching out to delicately touch one with her fingertips.

Cullen watched her from his desk, letting her quietly look over them. Her fingertips brushed along several but she said nothing. She finally turned giving him a smile.

“She'd like knowing you have them all,” Ari grinned as she moved to the seat with her cloak and took a sandwich.

“I find having them there, it keeps everything from getting too dark on the bad days.” He poured her a cup of tea and leaned forward on his chair, resting his arms on his desk. “How are you doing? I know you can't tell me what it is you're doing since it's Warden related, but is it going well?”

She shook her head. “I'm no closer to finding what I was looking for than when I started. If it wasn't for the Crows, I'd probably just return to Denerim.” She looked over at the drawings again and then back to him. “I'm sorry for what happened here. Maybe I should have taken him in for desertion, if I wasn't so lenient...”

Cullen waved his hand “What happened here was Anders fault, no one else.” He took a sip from his drink and leaned back in his chair again. She was probably the only person he could express his conflicted feelings too that would listen, would understand.

Cullen looked down and then back up to her. “I'm not sure.... I'm not sure if this is right for me anymore.”

“Kirkwall or the Templars?” There was no judgment in her voice. She knew either way, this was not something easy for him to discuss.

“Both, but mainly the Templars. I always thought this was right, this is what I've wanted to do since I was young. But then the circle fell, and all our training went out the window. And here, I trusted my Commander, I followed her orders, even when I didn't agree, I trusted the order enough that there was a plan. But in the end, she was just as corrupted as an abomination. I no longer know if this is really where I belong.”

She reached across the table and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Only you can decide that for yourself, Cullen. But no matter what, don't lose that you are a good man. You do what you do because of your desire to help and protect people. Don't let what happened here take that away from you.”

He squeezed her hand back. He knew she'd know just what to say to make it ok to not be sure anymore.

“So, what's with the lip?” She smirked.

“I had to break up a fight between a few Templars last week. Arguing about if we should have continued down the path Meredith had set us on.” He explained. “They tell me it's going to leave a scar.”

“Well, women love scars. You're going to have to hide in here to keep them away, Knight-Commander.” She teased. Cullen blushed at the compliment.

Ari laughed, “I miss doing that.” She pointed to his red face.

Cullen shook his head at her teasing, but a smile gave away he wasn't really upset. “Will you stay for tonight? We can hold up in here, play some chess, try to pretend everything isn't going to hell out there.”

She smiled but shook her head. “I can't. It's too dangerous, someone's probably already seen me around. I knew I was taking a risk coming to someplace with so much attention, but I just needed to see for myself that you were ok.”

He stood and walked around the table, wrapping her in his arms again when she rose. “Just finish up what you have to and come back to us all safe, Ari. That's all I ask.”

***

Cullen entered the Hawke estate, petting Lulu as he walked towards the library. The others were already there. They'd taken to meeting up at Hawke's estate instead of the Hanged Man, after it became difficult not having one person or another verbally attacking either Cullen or Hawke, depending on which side of the fighting they stood on.

Isabella handed him a whiskey as he entered. “So, Knight-Commander, I hear you had a female visitor today,” she purred.

Cullen sighed, leave it to Isabella to make it something dirty. “It wasn't like that, she just heard what happened here, and came to ensure I was ok.” He saw Isabella give him a cocked eyebrow and knew he wasn't going to get out of this without more of an explanation. “It was the Hero, Arianna.”

“She's here? Why didn't you bring her with you?” Marian asked, sitting up, clearly excited to have another chance to meet the woman who was her idol. 

Cullen shook his head. “She's not, she left already. It wasn't safe for her to stay.”

“What? Why not? She could just stay here, couldn't she, Kitten?” Isabella offered as Hawke nodded.

He gulped down the rest of his whiskey. “If I tell you this, it needs to stay in this room. If you speak of it you're putting a child's life at risk, understand.” They all nodded. Cullen ran his fingers through his hair. “You can't let anyone know she was here. The Crows are hunting her and her daughter.”

“I didn't see a child,” Fenris added.

“She's elsewhere. The Hero's moving around to keep the Crows away from her.” Cullen explained.

“Why are they after her?” Marian asked curious.

“Revenge. They have a contracts on the whole family. They already acted on the one on her husband.”

Isabella collapsed into the chair beside her. “Zevran's dead?” She asked unbelieving.

Cullen nodded. “Nearly seven months ago.” He then proceeded to fill them in on what had occurred, leaving out any details that would give away the whereabouts of the Hero's daughter.

***

Fenris and Marian laid in her bed. Him reading, with her wrapped in one of his arms, lying on his bare chest. She seemed preoccupied. Cullen had talked to them after everyone else had left. The Hero had wanted them to know where her daughter was. The girl had taken to Fenris when they had visited Denerim a few years ago, and the Hero wanted to ensure her daughter didn't lose touch of those the young girl loved. Marian had been shocked to find out the girl was none other than the newly adopted Princess of Ferelden.

“Fenris?” she tilted her head up to look at him.

“Hmm?” his eyes left the book and fell upon hers.

“What Cullen told us tonight. I thought Arianna Cousland had it all, a title, money, a family. And she lost it all in the blink of an eye. Now she's out wandering somewhere all alone. I just...” she took a breath. “I'm just scared, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you.”

He put down his book and placed a hand on her cheek, while kissing her forehead. “You will not lose me, Marian.”

“But you don't know that. Your mansion is not exactly safe, what if you were attacked there, no one would know. All the neighbors think it's haunted, so they wouldn't think twice about hearing noises there. I know you're strong but I worry still. Especially now.” She felt ashamed. She didn't want to come across as some clingy girlfriend, she was stronger than that, but the news Cullen had shared along with what Justice had done had shaken her.

“Then I will move in like you've asked a dozen times and you will not need to worry.” He kissed her softly while pulling her on top of him to reassure her. Cullen's news had also disturbed him as well.


	20. The Future

Isabella left a few weeks after Cullen's news. The death of her old acquaintance had seemed to shake her. “It is reminding me that we don't know when our end is coming, Kitten. There's a lot I still want to do, and I think it's time I got a new ship and set sail.”

She took Merril with her, the elf was eager to see the world, and she and Isabella seemed to have grown closer over the last few years. It was with a heavy heart that Hawke bid them both farewell and watched the ship sail out into open waters.

***

Fenris was surprised to find how comfortable living in Hawke's home, their home now, was. He now wondered why he'd ever turned down her requests to do so before. There were the obvious benefits of living in a functioning home instead of a run down mansion, such as hot baths, well cooked meals thanks to Orana, and more books than he thought he could ever read in her library. There was also the fact that Marian was almost always within arms range when he wanted her. Sometimes for desire, other times for comfort when something would trigger a memory. He'd been worried when he first moved in that it meant he would no longer have time to himself when needed, but he quickly found that was a needless worry. Marian seemed to sense when he needed space and she always provided it to him without him even having to ask. Marian had even given one of the extra bedrooms to him to turn into his own sanctuary. She promised him that neither her nor Orana would disturb him there. He found it a good place for quiet contemplation when he wanted, and even though he was finding he needed it less and less the longer he was there, just knowing the room was there, a peaceful oasis of his own, was enough to make him feel more relaxed.

Fenris was currently laying on the couch, a book in one hand, his other wrapped around Hawke's shoulders as she rested her head along his chest and stared into the fire. He liked these quiet moments. They were the ones that came from being at ease with one's partner, where you could both just quietly sit, doing nothing really, but enjoying the closeness of the other person. It was not something Fenris had ever experienced before, but something he was finding quite agreeable to him.

She was drawing patterns on his stomach with her hand while he read. It was something he'd come to recognize as a sign she was nervous about something but unsure how to talk about it.

“You wish to discuss something,” he finally gave up waiting for her to say anything. Fenris angled his head down to look at hers.

Marian tilted her head up slightly. “It's a little annoying having you know me this well,” she mumbled eliciting a chuckle from the elf.

“So, you do not wish to talk then?” he asked, knowing the answer already.

Marian sighed her fingers still making their nervous patterns over his shirt. “Do you ever think about having children? Would you even _want_ to have them?”

“I think I am not very good at even taking care of myself. Before your mother and Orana I forgot to eat most days.” Fenris gave her a teasing smile. Then a thought occurred to him and he felt freaked out. “Are you trying to tell me something Hawke?”

“What? No, no. Maker no, this would not be the right time, with the world going crazy. You can breath. I was just thinking, and wondering.” she sat up slightly trying to reassure him seeing the look of panic in his eyes,

“Why are you wondering?” he asked placing his book down. He put both arms around her and pulled her a little closer. Although he had little experience with relationships, Fenris got the feeling this discussion was important.

“I'll tell you, but you have to swear not to tell anyone else, and be surprised when you're told again later.” she bit her lip and waited. Fenris nodded his agreement. “Ok, Aveline's pregnant. She only just found out, and when she told Donnic. Well he pretty much had your reaction and left for the bar. When he came back he ranted about how the timing was awful. I mean it's not like she planned this to happen now, and so now they're fighting. And it just made me think that you're here now and we hadn't really talked about that, or really about our future, and maybe we should have. Maybe that's not something you want and I'd hate to have that be how I find out.”

Fenris thought on her words for a few minutes. She was right that they had never discussed the future or a family, but it didn't mean it wasn't something he'd thought about. He let go of holding her so that he could straighten where he was on the couch and sat cross-legged before taking her hands back in his. He kissed them both to calm the worry he saw in her eyes when he had removed his arms from around her.

“Marian, do you want to know my honest thoughts? What if they are not the same as yours?” he worried. He was happy here, if what he told her was not what she wanted to hear, most likely she would tell him to leave, and he was terrified of that. He did not want to lose this after having been alone for so long. He watched her, as he tried to hide the fear behind his mask.

She sighed as she dropped his hands and wrapped herself in a hug with her arms. This worried him further, that she pulled away. “I think you should. You should have what you want in life, Fenris. You fought so hard for your freedom. You shouldn't give up your desires, not even for me.”

Fenris took a large swallow and looked at his hands. Now was going to be the moment that either tore them apart or made them closer. He prayed it was closer, he already knew what life without her was like, and he did not want to go back to that for anything. Tears threatened to form in his eyes, blinking he was able to will those away. He was a strong, fierce warrior, he reminded himself, he could face this.

“Hawke, Marian. I told you before, I cannot bear the thought of living without you. We are still new to this, I am very new to this, all this. I know it is too soon, and I am not yet ready. But someday, I have plans to ask you to wear my ring, and to proclaim to the world that you are my wife. I hope that when I do, your answer is yes.”

He looked up to try to gage her reaction, but she sat stoic. He could not tell if what he was saying was what she wanted to hear or not and he knew he'd only answered half her question, so he decided that he should continue since if this was not what she wanted the damage was already done.

“I would be lying if I said the thought of children did not terrify me. I have faced Qunari with you, fought a dragon, yet somehow the idea of holding a child and knowing I am responsible to protect it, that is what sends fear to my heart. I do agree that now, with Kirkwall in such unrest would not be the right time. But when I dream, it is of you and I and a home in a peaceful land, surrounded by trees. And in that home in my dreams, we are not alone. Sometimes it is two girls, sometimes two boys, and other times one of each. But they have your eyes, and your smile, and I see you when I look at them. That is what I want for us someday, when we are ready.”

He looked up again, patiently waiting. She sat, still hugging herself. A tear was running down her cheek, but other than that he could not read her thoughts. Fenris held his breath, was it a tear of joy, or a tear because she was about to break his heart as he had once broken hers. He would deserve it, if she were to tell him that he had no right to expect, to dream of such things with her. He knew he was lucky, after how much he had hurt her, that they had even gotten this far in the relationship. He watched her in silence for what felt like an agonizingly long time. She finally turned and looked up into his eyes. Fenris counted the seconds, joy or heartbreak hung on her next words.

Quicker than he could realize she removed her arms from around herself and wrapped them around his torso, shoving her head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, still holding his breath.

“That's what I want, Fenris. All of that,” she said, with a sigh. Fenris felt the tightness that had been in his chest melt away completely. His arms squeezed tighter around her as he pulled her into his lap and began to kiss her cheeks before moving to her lips where they kissed softly. Both of them had tears of relief and joy running down their cheeks as they kissed and hugged.

***

Their time of peace at the Amell estate did not last as long as either had hoped. Varric arrived one afternoon looking concerned with Cullen in tow.

“I've received word from my associates. There's a Seeker and a Chantry Sister on their way to Kirkwall. Some rumors say the Chantry is going to have an Exalted March. Others say they are just coming for one person, the Champion.” he watched them both.

“But why?” she asked, looking between him and Fenris who grabbed her hand. “They don't think I had anything to do with all this do they?” she waved her hands around to indicate the mess that had become Kirkwall.

“I won't be able to protect you when they come. But if you were not in Kirkwall, I could say I did not know where you left for or if you were to return.” Cullen warned them.

Hawke looked to the elf by her side and he nodded. Varric helped make arrangements for the estate to be transferred to Aveline and Donnic. He helped Hawke set it up so that he would oversee her money, but that she'd be able to access it when needed. It was with a heavy heart she stood on a hill outside of Kirkwall, looking over the city that had become her home over the last decade. Fenris was by her side as they took one last look and then walked off together hand in hand to their new adventure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is still not over, there's more to come, so do not fret <3


	21. New Beginnings

Marian took Fenris to the first place she wanted to go more than anywhere once they left Kirkwall – Lothering.

As it came into view when they walked across the bridge her breath stopped. She could hardly believe it. She had assumed the whole town would have been destroyed when the Darkspawn took over, and while she could tell there were some buildings that were gone, there were many she could still remember, and some new ones. Fenris squeezed her hand bringing her back to the present.

“You ready?” he asked.

She nodded and walked with him hand in hand. As they walked through the town she told him what all the buildings were, and who lived where, including stories. Her family home was one of the ones that hadn't survived, but she was able to show him where it had been just the same.

They entered Dane's Refuge to grab lunch. They sat at a table when they heard a voice from behind the bar.

“We don't serve your kind in here. Nothing but trouble.”

Fenris snarled as he turned, Marian placed her hand on his arm to calm him as she called out “Maybe if you didn't serve this swill you'd get a better class of clientele.”

The bartender appeared before them, Fenris prepared for a fight, but stayed in his seat seeing the grin on the mans face. “I used to have a great bar, then this pushy bar maid scared them off.”

Marian jumped up and hugged the man, and Fenris realized he was not a threat, that the words had been just teasing. “Fenris, this is Danal. I worked for him here years ago.”

“Good to meet you, young man,” he offered his hand to the elf and shook it. “Must be a brave man to be with Marian here. We've heard of you becoming Champion in Kirkwall, so proud of our little spitfire. What brings you back to this dump?”

“Just passing through, and I wanted to show Fenris there really was worse food than the Hanged Man.” she elbowed the man.

Danal waived to the bar maid and ordered them all lunch. He joined the two telling Fenris stories of a younger Marian. He was a man filled with good humor who seemed to have affection for Marian as if another father. By the time they left for the room they had rented he felt like he knew Marian even more.

The next morning they had their bags ready for travel again. “There's one more place I want to stop before we leave.” she said sounding quieter than usual.

“We are in no rush,” he nodded.

She led him towards the Chantry before letting go of his hand and continuing on her own towards the cemetery next to it. He stood back while watching her weave her way through markers before finding the one she was looking for. Marian knelt onto the ground, her hand on one of the markers. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but could see she was talking.

After about fifteen minutes she turned her head in his direction. He could tell she'd been crying. She waved him over. Fenris walked carefully to where she was, careful to not step on any of the other graves. He leaned down next to her and she took his hand before she turned back to the grave before her. “Da' this is Fenris. I wanted you to meet him because I love him. He's good to me, and I think you two would have gotten along very well.”

Fenris couldn't help the smile from his face. That she would want her father to know about him, she was not ashamed of loving an elf, of loving a former slave. She was proud enough of him that she wanted him to meet those that had been important to her life.

***

They settled in Ansburg, near the Antiva border. Marian found work in a bar while Fenris took on work doing odd jobs helping the farmers around town. It was sometimes warrior work, helping fight off poachers from the livestock, other times it was helping with heavy lifting to set up a barn or till the fields. Unlike other towns they had visited, no one in Ansburg seemed to give it a second thought that he was an elf. It had been a little over a year since the events at Kirkwall at this point, and it was no longer the favorite conversation of everyone around town. They were finally able to just relax, the names Hawke and Fenris meaning little to anyone besides the names of the couple that lived above the bar. There had been no news of any sightings of Anders. It was as if he had disappeared from Thedas completely. While Marian knew that meant he was probably still alive, since word of his capture or death would have been sure to spread, she found the lack of news made her miss her friend all the more, wondering where he could be. She was still angry at him for what he did, but it did not stop her from thinking of him when ever she'd see Ansburg's healer.

Fenris had been working most days for the local farmers and at night he was gone doing some project that he refused to tell Marian about, except that she would know when he was ready to show her. He'd always be back in their room at the bar when she finished her shift, and they fell asleep in eachother's arms each night. She trusted him, but the wait for whatever he had planned was killing her. She was elated when one day, after months of being patient – something Marian Hawk was really not good at – he told her he was ready to show her where he'd been spending his evenings.

“Kinky,” she said as he tied the handkerchief around her eyes to make a blindfold. “Fenris, you know just because I'm blindfolded doesn't mean I don't know you're making that exasperated face at me.” she laughed.

“Just trust me, and be quiet woman,” he laughed, placing a soft kiss to her lips before taking her hand. He led her out, directing her on the stairs so she wouldn't fall and out the front door of the bar.

“Where are we going?” Marian asked.

“Telling you would defeat the purpose of the blindfold.” he replied offering no other information.

Marian felt herself being lifted by him onto a horse and then felt Fenris settle behind her. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, as the horse began to move. After a few minutes, she angled her head and nibbled at Fenris' neck.

“Hawke,” he warned her.

“What? I'm bored, so I'm finding something to do while you kidnap me.”

“You are an impossible woman,” he said but did not move away.

“And you love me for it.” she answered with another nibble.

“Yes, now be quiet and stop distracting me. You make a horrible kidnapee.” He kissed her cheek just the same.

After some unknown time, about 20 minutes was her best guess, she felt Fenris pull on the horse for him to stop. She then felt the cool air as he leapt down, and his hands on her waist. “Turn towards me and slide down,” he instructed as he held her.

She did as instructed, making a point of sliding along his body as she did, and smirked when she heard him growl quietly.

“We are here,” he informed her as she felt him turn her to face something and move behind her so that her back was to his chest. He then removed her blindfold. Marian blinked a few times and then her breath caught at the sight before her.

It was a small, one story home. But plenty big enough for them. It had a small porch with two chairs on it, and a small fence surrounding it. She felt tears in her eyes remembering him tell her about the home he wanted for them one day. This was nearly it exactly.

“This is ours?” she asked, turning in his arms to look at him.

He nodded. “It needed a lot of work, but I used the money from my jobs to buy it. I know it's smaller than the estate in Kirkwall, but...”

“It's perfect,” she whispered as she moved to her tiptoes to kiss him.

Fenris squeezed her as he pulled her up closer to return the kiss. He then placed her gently back on the ground and took her hand in his. “Come, I will show you our home.”

He led her in through the front door. There was a small kitchen, a living room with a fireplace and two bedrooms. Around back he had built an area for a small garden. There was furniture though out. A small table, enough for them and 2 or 3 guests to sit around, a couch and chair in the living room. In their bedroom was a bed, not as extravagant as what they left in Kirkwall, but plenty for them. There was even a rug near one wall in the bedroom for Lulu.

“You did all this?” she asked him with wonder as she looked around, taking it all in.

“I promised you a home someday. You like it?” she could tell he was nervous from his voice.

Marian turned so that her arms wrapped around his waist as she looked up at him. “I love our new home, Fenris. Our own place.” she sighed as she leaned into his chest with her head. “Want to test out the new bed?”

Fenris growled in reply, picking her up to carry her to the bedroom.

***

As the weeks turned into months, the joy of coming home from her nights at the bar to a home with a fire burning in the fireplace and a handsome elf to wrap his arms around her had not waned for Marian. They were able to get word to Varric about where they had settled. He was with the Inquisition, and apparently so was Cullen now, their Commander in fact. Varric had let them know that as far as anyone was concerned, he had no idea where they were at the moment.

Marian came home one evening to find Fenris on the couch reading a note. “Something from Varric?” she asked.

He shook his head. “We have been summoned to Denerim,” he chuckled as he handed her the note.

She read it and smiled. “Well, we can't turn down a Royal request, now can we.”

_Dear Fenris,_

_It's going to be my 9th birthday soon. Will you and Lady Hawke please come to my party? We'll have cake and Uncle said I can invite you both._

_Princess Ele Therin_

 


	22. Birthday Parties and Crows

Denerim was even more amazing than Marian expected. She'd heard stories of the city during her childhood in Ferelden and stories from Anders and Isabella. The reality of it blew those away. The city was decked out, the citizens getting ready to celebrate the birthday of their Princess. Marian couldn't help but laugh when they passed a merchant selling dolls made to look like the Princess and King.

As they approached the gates the significance was not lost on Fenris. He'd been to many noble homes before, but always as a slave. But here, he was walking into the palace not only as a free man, but as a personal guest of the Princess and King of Ferelden. This was beyond anything he could imagine his life would be like a decade prior. He looked over when he felt Marian squeeze his hand.

“Can you believe it Fenris? We're going to sleep in the castle of the King of Ferelden? Us?” she was practically vibrating from excitement.

He gave his name to the Royal Guard at the gate and was immediately ushered in as if he was an important dignitary. They were led to a room in the guest suite. “The King and Princess are away at the moment, but they'll return soon. There will be an informal party to which you are invited just for a select few, then the formal ball this evening.” the man who had let them to the room explained.

They unpacked and Fenris looked at his wrapped present on the bed. “I think my gift is too little.” he frowned.

Marian walked over to him and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Fenris, she's going to love it because it's from you. And she's going to love that you're here more than any gift you could give her. Trust me on this, what you got her is perfect.”

Fenris nodded but was still unsure. A knock at the door told him he didn't have time to worry about it anymore. He picked up his gift and the followed the elf that met them to the party. He could tell by the way the elf talked, that, like so many of the staff, he adored the Princess and the King. “They both know everyone's name. And on my daughter's birthday the Princess sent me home with a cookie just for her.”

When they entered the room there were a few other guests waiting. There was a tall man with facial features similar to the Hero and beside him was a blonde haired woman. Marian whispered to him that it was most likely Teyrn Cousland and his wife. There were a few children, most likely friends of the Princess, and a Grey Warden. Marian took Fenris' hand and led him towards the Warden.

“Warden Howe, right?” she asked.

“Ah, Champion, good to see you. And your friend?” he asked looking to Fenris.

“Fenris,” he shook the man's hand, now remembering Marian telling him about having met the man before, apparently an acquaintance of Anders.

“Oh, so you're actually real?” the Teyrn spoke up with astonishment as he walked towards the others.

“I... what?” Fenris cocked an eyebrow watching the man.

“Sorry, it's just, when she started talking about a nearly six foot tall elf with white tattoos that glowed.... well, I just figured you were an imaginary friend. Do you have any idea how many bedtime stories I've had to work you into?” he reached out his hand to Fenris. “Fergus Cousland, I'm the only _real_ Uncle around here.”

“Now don't start that again,” came a voice from the other side of the room. They all turned to see the grinning King entering the room. Had he not met the man before, Fenris would not have picked him out as being noble based on how he looked at the moment. King Alistair was dressed in simple britches, and a cotton shirt. In one hand he carried a string of fish, which he handed off with a nod and a smile to the servant that approached him. “Here, take this home for your family, Merle. Compliments of the Princess' birthday.”

The man's eyes grew wide, “I thank you Your Majesty.” he bowed and grinned carrying off the fish. Fenris instantly found a fondness for the man, he seemed as different than Danarius as one could get. He wasn't treating those that worked for him as slaves, instead they seemed almost to be friends, he had taken the time to know their names, and he wasn't throwing scraps at them, the fish he hand handed him appeared large, and could easily be a meal for 12 people if not more.

There was suddenly a loud squeal from behind him and the scream of “FENRIS!!!!” The elf barely had time to react before a blonde haired child was throwing herself around his waist. A white mabari pup jumped around the two of them excitedly.

Marian watched him. “I told you,” she teased with a large grin.

“Well I guess we know where we rate. _After_ the elf,” the Teyrn said with humor in his voice to the Warden.

The girl extracted herself from Fenris and then moved around the room to welcome everyone else before taking Fenris' hand to introduce him to her friends. He cast a look back at Hawke. “Don't worry about me, you go be the star for once,” she laughed, watching how unsure a man that could battle a group of bandits without breaking a sweat looked utterly terrified by a few nine year old girls.

After a half hour a small cake was brought out and the staff as well as the party goers all sang to the Princess. Fenris watched as the others gave her their gifts, Marian could tell he was getting nervous as he shifted foot to foot. He looked at her unsure when it was his turn.

Princess Ele sat next to him on the bench opening her gift. When she unwrapped the book she said nothing, but ran her hands along the leather cover, reading out the title, “Stories of Ferelden”. She flipped though it quickly and was excited to see there was stories of her grandparents, Bryce and Eleanor Cousland in there, along with King Alistair's father. She took the book and climbed into Fenris' lap and gave the elf a hug. “Thank you, I love this. Will you read it to me tonight for bedtime?”

Fenris nodded and couldn't help the smile across his face.

***

It had been almost six months since they'd returned from Ferelden. The trip had been a fun diversion from everyday life. Watching Fenris spend time with the Princess made Marian's mind start wandering into what he would be like with their own children. It had been two years since they had left Kirkwall, and beside the home he built, their relationship seemed to have stalled. Fenris had told her once he wanted to marry her one day. Marian sat on the couch looking at the fire, wondering if one day was ever actually going to come.

There life here had been good. They'd both made friends and had become part of the community. Still, Marian started to wonder if he wasn't missing the excitement of the fighting in Kirkwall. He body was built for fighting – something she very much appreciated, especially when he was without a shirt. But the most he ever fought now was a random attempted cattle poacher, and even those had started to peter out. Marian watched the flames jump and thought about if maybe he was regretting his decision to settle out here. While he had said it was what he dreamed of, maybe the reality wasn't as satisfying as he had thought.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by a pounding at the door. She opened it just as Fenris entered the main room, sword in hand, ready for whoever may be on the other side. As she opened it she signaled to him with a flick of her hand that it was unnecessary once she saw who was on the other side. It was one of the bar men.

“Lou, what is it?” she asked seeing the look of fear in his eyes.

“There's trouble at the tavern. Some woman came in, and then a bunch of men followed, boss says they're Crows. It's not looking good. He said to come get you,” his eyes flickered inside to Fenris, “both of you.”

“Why us, what can we do,” she asked innocently.

Lou sighed. “We know who you both really are, we've always known, Champion. Please help.”

“You....you know?” she asked, feeling Fenris' hand touch her shoulder to calm her.

“No offense, Serrah, but there's not many tall elves with glowing tattoos. It was pretty easy to figure out who you were based off Messere Fenris.” he looked to them both. “Will you help?”

Fenris answered before she had a chance. “Of course, wait for us.”

Five minutes later they were meeting him at the front door, in their fighting gear. It almost felt like old times.

***

They entered the bar, so far trouble hadn't started, but it didn't seem far off from getting there. Most of the patrons seemed unaware that anything was going on, they all were eating and drinking as usual. She caught the owner's eyes and he motioned to a table. There sat someone with their back to them. The person was wearing a cape, but based on the body size, Marian assumed this was the woman Lou had mentioned. Her eyes scanned the floor. Fenris signaled to a rogue that was looking as if he was moving to an empty chair, but most likely was really moving towards the woman.

Marian reached back for her blades, she could hear Fenris start to unsheath his sword. Before either could react the man was upon her.

“Lysette and the Antivan Crows send their regards, H....” he didn't get any further, as the woman stood up so fast her chair went flying, her hand grabbed the man by his hair and slammed him into the table by his face with such force they could hear his nose and the table break from the doorway.

People took notice and most went running for the door behind Marian and Fenris. That made it easier to spot the crows. After five minutes all that was left were a few drunks that were too far gone to notice, and three men all converging on the woman. Marian threw one of her blades pinning one of the Crows to the wall by his gut.

The woman's cape had fallen down revealing read hair. She turned to see who had thrown the blade and smiled warmly seeing the two of them. Marian couldn't believe her eyes, but she was thrown right back into battle when she noticed the blue glowing beside her and a moment later Fenris was standing five feet to her left with the heart in his hand of the Crow lying dead at his feet. The last Crow got too close to his target and she had spun around so quick that in the blink of an eye she was behind him dragging her blade across his neck. As he fell to the ground Marian could hear her laugh. “Really, Zev taught me that move 10 years ago, why don't any of you know how to combat that yet?”

She wiped the blood from the blade and placed it in her belt. She walked around the bodies her hand coming out to them. “Fenris, Hawke, you are both a sight for sore eyes. Thanks much for the help.”

“As are you, Hero,” Marian shook her head.

“Don't make me start calling you Champion,” she shook her head as she began to shake Fenris' hand.

“Ari,” he nodded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be my last update probably for a week at least. Family is coming into town today for the holidays so I won't have time to write like I usually do. Be back soon <3


	23. Mission

 They joined the Hero back at the table she had been sitting at. She resumed eating her stew as if the fight had never occurred. She was explaining to them her current mission. The people that had fled the tavern slowly started trickling back in.

“There's a cave, supposedly an ancient Warden cache two days north of here. I'm on my way there, could use some hired help. You two interested?” she asked them, before downing a large gulp of the Antivan brandy in her hand.

“How'd you know to find us here?” Hawke asked, worried others would know she was here too.

“I didn't, running into you two was just coincidence. I was just on my way to the cache, thought I'd stop for a night, see if I couldn't flush out my Crow shadows. Worked too.” she replied.

Hawke looked to Fenris, who gave her a look that told her that he would abide by her decision. This might be an opportunity for him to get some fighting in, maybe it would help get them back on track, she thought.

“We'll do it. When do we leave?” she asked.

“Before dawn, be ready. I'll meet you by the stables. Bring bedrolls and supplies for a week just in case.” Ari downed the rest of the brandy and then nodded to them both. Hawke watched as the woman walked, clearly more than a little drunk to a red haired man sitting near the far wall. The Hero said something quiet to him, whatever it was, he liked as he gave her a grin before rising up to follow her back to her rented room. Fenris and Hawke walked back to their home.

“We'll need to be careful, Fenris,” Hawke said as they walked along the path back to their home. “We don't know every thing about this job. And she's.... well she's not like she was, she may not be telling us everything. She seems different.”

“Of course she's different, Hawke.” he stopped and turned her to face him. “How could she not be after everything that..... If I lost you, I'd probably wander drunk and sullen too. But I agree, we keep our eyes open.”

***

They rode on through nearly sunset, the Hero clearly in a rush to get to their destination. During that time Marian had tried to engage the Hero in conversation more than once but she seemed to have little desire to talk, more focused on the task at hand. Ari wasn't drinking, but it seemed the longer she was sober, the shorter her temper became. After dinner Ari pulled out a map and looked it over from where she sat. Marian watched her and Fenris discuss it as Hawke cleaned up from dinner. She'd forgotten how different he was when in a mission, more confident, which to her made him all the more attractive.

After they appeared to have decided on a plan of action for the next day, Fenris strode to where Hawke was now standing near their tent, placing the last of their belongings into it. “You were staring, Hawke.” He said quietly.

“I was just.... observing,” she said with a sm irk.

“You were observing with a very heated gaze,” he tilted her chin up with his fingertips and pressed his lips to hers.

Marian put her arms around his head to hold him close.

“Did you like what you saw?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Very much.” she answered pressing forward for another heated kiss.

***

Late afternoon on the second day they came upon the cave they had been searching for. Arianna took a deep breath as if readying herself and then nodded to the two of them as she unsheathed her blades. Marian entered behind her, Fenris taking the rear. They slowly wound their way through the cave. Ari held up a hand to signal them to stop and then ducked behind a rock. Peeking around they were able to see a single man in blue robes.

Ari nodded to Hawke who stelthaed. She crept behind the man and performed a backstab. He crumpled to the ground without a noise. The Hero and Fenris moved into the room as Marian wiped off her blades.

“Beautiful,” Fenris said as he passed touching her arm.

“You too can get kissy later,” the Hero warned. “We have a mission.” She didn't wait for their reply, walking down the next hallway.

Fenris shrugged to Hawke and then followed.

Two other robed men met their end at their blades before they came across the main section of the cave.

“What's the plan?” Marian whispered to Fenris. Before he had a chance to respond the Hero charged into the room, ramming her blade through the neck of one of the men.

“Apparently we attack,” he shrugged at her just as confused.

Marian had heard stories about the blight, some from books, and some from Anders and Bodhan. They talked about how the Hero of Ferelden and her elf companion (which she later realized was Zevran) would almost look like they were dancing when they were in battle together. Watching how Fenris and the Hero battled now, Marian felt like she was getting a glimpse into it.

Marian battled against one fighter who mistook her short stance as making her an easy mark. They circled each other slowly before the man became impatient and rushed at her. Marian's blade sliced through his gut. As he fell to the floor she was able to see the other two in battle. Sure enough, it did look as if they were dancing. Fenis seemed to know when the Hero was ready to move, and would move gracefully around her. Even though they never touched, it almost seemed like a choreographed dance. Marian wondered if she and Fenris ever looked like that when they had battled in Kirkwall.

After nearly thirty minutes of fighting only one man remained. Ari focused on him, walking towards him in long strides as the man backwards crawled along the ground in a futile effort to get away. He stopped when his back hit the wall and looked around for an escape as the Hero knelt down in front of him, her blade pointed in his direction.

While she was doing that, Fenris was looking over Marian for injuries. Even though she had assured him she was fine, it had become his routine, and she knew better than to argue, as he was going to do it anyway. His long fingers ran over her arms and torso checking for tears or blood. It was as if he needed to reassure himself that she was ok.

“Where is it?” they turned hearing Ari growl at the man, as she made not so subtle threats with the blade.

“I don't know what you're talk....” he started to stammer.

“You do, and I have little time for this anymore. Where is the book? Tell me now and I'll make this a quick death. Otherwise I let my glowing friend over there play with you.” she snarled.

“It.. It's not here, they moved it last week. You will not find it Warden.” he answered, his voice turning to a threat.

The Hero said nothing, but gave the man the quick death he had earned. She silently walked to the table stacked with notes, potions and other items. Marian and Fenris watched as she picked up a few notes and read through them, shoving them into her pack. She continued to say nothing, staring silently at the table. Quicker than Marian had ever seen anyone move she lifted the table knocking it over as she screamed out “Andraste's ass dammit!”

As if just noticing the two of them for the first time, she looked at them with eyes colder than even Meredith's had ever been. Marian worried for a moment, and subconsciously moved slightly behind Fenris.

“Take whatever you want, meet me back at camp. I need to find something to kill.” she snarled and stormed out of the cave.

***

True to her word, Ari returned to camp two hours later dropping a dead deer at their feet. “Dinner” she grumbled moving off to her tent to emerge a moment later with another knife and more brandy.

She and Marian gutted the deer and shared the drink while Fenris prepared the fire. He could see them talking and occasionally looking in his direction. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but knew he was at least one of the topics based on the looks. If it were someone else, he would be feeling agitated and annoyed they were discussing him, but with Marian he felt safe, and he felt confident that whatever they were discussing was not something he needed to worry over.

The women walked towards the fire, carrying the pieces of meat for the fire.

“Who were those men?” Marian asked.

“An ancient sect of Wardens.” Ari replied, focusing on the task of setting the pieces on sticks to roast.

“But why would you attack Wardens? Aren't you one of them?” Marian asked confused.

“They have something I need. It's....” Ari took a long drink from the brandy. “It's too late for me, but it will help others.” Her mood seemed to get dark again, and Marian took the hint to stop asking questions.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence. The quiet allowed Marian's mind to start wandering. Fenris had seemed to different since the battle. More alive than she had seen him in years. It fueled her worries that this was what he really wanted, that the quiet life they had set up for themselves was no longer making him happy. That this was why their relationship had not progressed any further.

Marian stood to move towards their tent, to retire for the night. Fenris' eyes moved towards the Hero who was now fairly drunk on the other side of the fire and looking pissed. “Let me talk to her, I will come to bed soon.”

She nodded and moved into their tent. She could hear them talking, but only sort of make out what they were saying. She laid down in their bedroll listening, not really meaning to eavesdrop, but at the same time curious what Fenris might be saying without her there.

Most of what she heard was just phrases, “her”, “things have changed”, “different now” - those from the Hero.

She could hear Ari's voice say, “you... travel with me.”

She could hear Fenris was talking but not what he was saying then she heard him say, “I would like nothing else.”

Marian tried to hold in her sob. He had admitted he wanted to return to adventuring, but with the Hero. Was he going to leave her? Would Marian want him to stay knowing it's not what he really wanted. She cried silent tears as she willed herself to sleep while the other continued talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing fights is hard :(


	24. Fasta Vass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the Anders Kittens (Facebook) for all the love and encouragement last night <3

Fenris sat next to Ari who was still just staring into the fire.

“You are carrying something. How can I help?” he asked, taking the drink she offered.

“You wouldn't understand.” she said shaking her head.

“I would. How you are now, it is how I was for a long time. I buried myself in bottles of wine, I hid alone in a crumbling mansion. I even sought solace in Hawke's bed and nearly lost her for good as a result. I will understand.” he tried to reassure her.

“Have you seen her? Eleanor I mean?” she asked, her voice quieter. Fenris nodded. “Is she happy? Is Alistair doing a good job with her?”

“She appears to be very happy, and she clearly has a lot of affection for the King. Why are you worried? It's only temporary, you will be returning soon, correct?” he asked, while trying to soothe her, handing back the drink.

“It was, but things have changed. I thought I would find a way to shake the Crows and find what I needed from the Wardens. But it's too late now, what I had planned.... it's different now.” she sounded a combination of bitter and sad, she took a large swig of the brandy and handed it back again.

“What has changed?”

“It's... it's a Warden thing. It can't help me now, but I can still save the King, maybe a few friends. Promise me Fenris, promise me you'll be in her life. She adores you, I want to know she'll be well cared for and loved when....” she swallowed hard but didn't finish her sentence.

“I will. But perhaps you should bring one of these friends with you, you should not be alone. I tried to be alone, it did more damage to myself than I realized.” he explained.

“How about you two? What if you travel with me?” she asked taking the bottle back.

Fenris shook his head. “While this has been fun, I would like nothing else but to return to my home with Hawke. Perhaps start the family we once talked about.” he looked into the fire, almost seeing images of the future in the dancing flames.

“Does she know that's what you want?” Ari asked, turning her head to look at him.

“I...We talked about this before.”

“When? Because I've seen how she watches you, and that's a woman who thinks she's losing something.” Ari pointed towards the tent with her bottle.

“It was some time ago. But Hawke knows how I feel.” he said, but his could feel his confidence in the matter waning.

“I wouldn't be certain of that, Fenris. Are you two married?”

“No...” he shook his head. “I have nothing yet I can offer her. I gave her our home, but I want to be able to provide for her, and I have nothing, I am a former slave, with no standing...”

Ari interrupted him, “Did she care about any of that in Kirkwall? About you living in a crumbling mansion? About you being a slave?” Fenris shook his head. “Then why would you think she gives a damn about any of that now. Trust me Fenris, don't wait. If you don't lose her to your inaction, you may find life has a way of taking it all away before you can blink. You don't want to look back with regrets.” She sighed and took another swig of the brandy, “I miss Zevran every single minute of every day, but at least when I think of him I can remember happy times, and how much he loved me. I don't have anything I regret except leaving him on that street that final day. Don't lose her because you're afraid.”

Fenris looked towards the tent Marian was sleeping in, thinking on the words the Hero had said to him.

***

Fenris had come to their tent about two hours after Marian had. She pretended to sleep while hearing him remove his armor and shirt and slide into the bedding next to her. If this was going to be one of her last nights with him, she wanted to remember the feel of his arms around her, with him pressed against her back, his breath on her neck. She kept her eyes closed and felt the warmth of his closeness surround her, the scent of him invading her senses. Eventually sleep took over.

They entered a nearby village, more than half way towards their home. Ari walked over to a nearby merchant to trade some goods, including some of the meat from the day before, as well as ask directions. Fenris and Marian stood nearby waiting. Fenris watched the village around them, keeping alert for any Crows or other trouble. His eyes fell upon the building across the square. It was not as large and audacious as the one in Kirkwall, but it was definitely a Chantry.

His eyes moved back to Marian's face. He couldn't help but notice her look away as soon as he looked at her. She'd been avoiding his eyes all day, although he wasn't certain why. Fenris reached for her hand. “Marian, I...”

She looked to their joined hands and pulled hers away. “Just say it, Fenris” her voice sounding strange.

Ari had completed her task with the merchant, but she could see the two were talking, and that it wasn't going well, so she kept a considerate distance away to give them privacy.

“Marian, I talked with Ari last night, and I realized something important I should have known already. I am sorry for that. Marian I wish...”

She cut him off again, when she looked up tears were in her eyes. “Fenris, don't get all flowery, just say it” her voice sounded angry. Why was she angry? His mind ran through the last day, he hadn't done anything he could recall to make her angry, yet here she was in front of him, quite clearly upset.

He tried reaching for her hand again, but she stepped back. Fenris started to feel upset, this was not right, why was she treating him like this, this was not the reaction he was expecting. “Marian,” his voice letting through more of his irritation then he had intended. “Listen to me, I'm trying to tell you...”

She looked at him, tears running down her face, her hands in fists beside her body. “I know what you're trying to say Fenris. You're leaving, with _her_ ” she pointed towards Ari. She wasn't sure why that angered her, she'd never felt jealous of the woman before, but there was that feeling now just the same. “So just do it, go” the tears now falling faster.

“Fasta vass woman! Stop talking.” he growled. Fenris stepped closer to her and grabbed her arms to keep her still, strong, but being gentle as to not hurt her either. “Why must you be so difficult? I'm trying to ask you to marry me. Today. In that Chantry there” he turned her around to face the building.

“You're what?” she seemed confused, but the anger was gone. “Oh?” she looked up at him, and there she was. The sweet, impulsive, beautiful woman he loved. Fenris placed a hand on her cheek and kissed her lips softly.

“If you are quite done yelling at me now.” he asked with a raised eyebrow. She nodded and stood watching him. He spoke again after a few minutes had passed. “I'm still awaiting your answer Hawke.”

“Oh, oh, yes, yes Fenris. I will, yes,” her face lit up with realization and she put her arms around his neck.

Ari approached seeing that the conversation had taken a better turn. “Are we ready to move on then?”

Fenris shook his head. “Apologies Arianna, but we need to make a stop at the Chantry first.”

“Ah”, Ari nodded, with a knowing grin. “Well then, let's not keep the bride to be waiting.” she smirked to Marian.

***

The Mother in the Chantry was happy to perform the ceremony, after a contribution from the Hero.

Fenris and Marian held hands facing each other as they stood in front of the Mother. Ari stood to the side serving as their witness.

“The Maker teaches us that we are stronger with love by our side than alone. It is through this love we strengthen our bond to the Maker and his bride. Fenris, is it your wish to stand here before the Maker and this witness and proclaim your attachment to Marian? That you will forsake all others and cling only to her, that you will love and protect her until the end of your days.”

“It is,” he nodded looking deeply into Marian's eyes.

“And Marian, it it your wish to...”

“Lysette and the Crows send their regards Hero.”

“Seriously? This is a Chantry, _and_ a wedding.” Ari turned to the young Crow standing at the end of the aisle.

“The time has come...” he continued.

“No,” Ari turned to glare at the man pointing at him with her finger. “You will wait. I can't believe how rude you are being, interrupting their wedding like this. Now you stand there and wait your turn.”

“The time has come...” he continued again.

“I said wait your turn.” she scolded him. The assassin did not press this time.

Fenris gave Hawke a confused look with a raised eyebrow as Hawke tried to hide a giggle. “She's using her scary 'Mom' voice on him. Seems it worked.”

“Continue your Holiness, we are sorry for the interruption,” Ari said giving the Crow a cross look out of the corner of her eye.

The Mother nodded and then continued. “Marian, is it your wish to stand here before the Maker and this witness and proclaim your attachment to Fenris? That you will forsake all others and cling only to him, that you will love and protect him until the end of your days.”

“It is,” Marian nodded, her eyes filled with tears, never leaving her lock on Fenris' eyes.

“Then by the blessing of the Chantry and the Maker, I proclaim you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride, and then please deal with this Crow outside,” the Mother smiled at them both with a bow.

Fenris surprised Marian by dipping her and planting a firm kiss on her lips. She gasped and then it turned into a giggle at his unusual impulsiveness.

“There now, was that so hard to wait your turn?” Ari asked the Crow. “Go on, you heard the Mother, outside, and then we can commence with your ass kicking. Oh, sorry Reverend Mother.”

The Mother nodded but said nothing.

Ari led them outside and then turned to face the man.

She drew out her weapons as they began to circle each other. The Crow slashed and cut Ari along her right forearm. Rather than slow it down it seemed to piss her off further. She growled and launched herself at him. The Crow tried to run, but instead bounced off Fenris who was standing firm behind him. The Crow turned to run in the other direction from the now glowing elf, and seemed to have forgotten about the Hero and ran straight into her waiting blades.

***

“Congratulations,” Ari said while wrapping a bandage on her cut arm after Fenris had helped her to clean the wound.

“Will you have dinner with us tonight? To celebrate” Marian asked.

The Hero shook her head, “I have someone to meet in Wildervale in a few weeks, I need to leave now to be there in time. Fenris, remember your promise?”

“I will honor it,” he nodded as they watched her leave.

Marian turned to walk towards the inn, but Fenris grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. He kissed her again, one arm wrapped around her waist as his other hand gently caressed her cheek. He pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you my wife,” Marian smiled at him calling her that. “But do not ever try to send me away again. You are stuck with me now.” Marian giggled and kissed him in apology.

***

They returned to their home, and word quickly spread of their marriage. There was even a party at the tavern to celebrate. They quickly fell back into the routines they had left behind, but this time Marian felt assured it was what Fenris wanted, that he would not disappear. She would not lose him as she had her other family.

About nine months after the wedding a letter arrived. Without opening it, Marian knew just from her name on the front that it was from Varric. She looked at Fenris, who watched her as she opened the letter.

_Hawke -_

_You know if I'm writing you we're in deep in the Inquisition. It's bad – turns out the big bad – it's Corypheus. I mean, didn't we already kill him? Well he's back and we need your help._

_I'm assuming Broody is still with you, and if so he's probably not going to let you come alone. If that's the case there's a few things you should be prepared for. The first is that there's a mage from Tevinter here that works with the Inquisitor. He seems to be good and genuinely wants to help, so it would probably be best if he keeps his heart in his chest. If I'm leading with that, you know the other piece is big._

_The Hero of Ferelden showed up here last week. She's helping now, but she didn't come alone. She had Blondie with her. He's in the cells here, but it's been made clear that he is under protection of her by the Commander. Did I mention the Commander is former Knight-Commander Cullen?_

_I just didn't want you both to be caught off guard. If Broody can't keep from killing either one, might be best to leave him behind._

_\- Varric_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT the end of their story, but I'm ending this one here and will write a part 2 very soon.
> 
> I was at the point where I can't continue the story without giving away spoilers for "Finding Live Again", so part 2 will pick up where this one left off, keep an eye out for it <3

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the "abomination" -- you all know I love Anders - but Fenris does not


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